looking back...

as the new year approaches and things seem to fall into place..it is amazing that when i look back, 2008 has been anything but smooth. in fact, it has been a rollercoaster of a year.

now i have a really happy and beautiful relationship, my family are all in good health and work-wise, i have been "promoted" and given more responsibilities.

but when things were bad this year, they came as bundles..like special promotions, buy 2 get 1 free! well in my case, i collected quite a lot of freebies! from my failed ventures into other jobs to my break-up with karen to my numerous injuries and sicknesses to the plunging stock market..all of which were hard to take..especially when they all came around the same period of time..it really felt like i got hit by one of those fighting games, multiple hit combos! but despite all those setbacks, i have been truly blessed that every time i've bounced back stronger or into a better situation.

really want to praise God for granting me peace of mind and calmness of heart every time..for always being faithful and seeing me through all those difficult times.

on my last day at emc when my marketing career seemed like it has hit a brick wall, manpower called me to ask if i was keen to rejoin them. who could have planned such timing?

at my lowest point after my breakup with karen, my friendship with jana took on a new level..when all the while it had never crossed my mind to chase her. who could have written such a story which included a very strange friday the 13th?

only God can.

so as 2009 begins, i look back with more fondness than bitterness..it is all about maintaining a positive mindset mixed with a lot of faith - that God will always make it better and He will never abandon us.

thank God for my jana and our beautiful relationship. thank God for my family's health and safety. thank God for putting my career back on track. thank God for everything else that i have been blessed with - my friends, my health, my financial status, my surroundings...everything at all.

last but not least, just want to wish everyone a really
FANTA-BULOUS and BLESSED 2009!

Cheers! :-)

vigilance

in the aftermath of the mumbai terrorist attacks and hearing our dear government officials boasting about how singapore is so secure, our police force and military are so capable and that such terrorism will never happen in singapore, i just have one question...

where is mas selamat?
yup, talking about that partially disabled j.i. member who somehow limped out of a "highly secured" police area and have eluded our "world class" police and military forces until today! and who has been incidentally (and conveniently), been totally forgotten...

we may think mumbai is far away but there are mad people closer to home than you think..we just have not seen them yet..let us hope and pray that when these crazy people do appear, our police and military forces can really show just how "capable" and "world class" they really are!

i'm on teeweeeeeeeeeeeee

possibly my only shot at the "big-time"! hahahahaha..


click here to watch the whole program

warning! absolutely cringe-worthy!
disclaimer: addy will not be held responsible for any internal injuries sustained through laughing or cringing at his tv debut!

losing heat?

i have always prided myself on being a rather sporty person and it was common for me to pack my whole weekends with sporting activities. these days however, i limit myself to the number of activities and even during the activities. or maybe it is just the phobia accumulated from the various injuries over the years that is protesting. last time, when my body was much (MUCH) more injury-resistant and healing takes a much (MUCH) shorter time, little aches and sprains did not matter as much. but after injuries to the knees, back and ribs and a surgery to the heart..i tend to be more conscious of the consequences. warm-up sessions before any sports have become a must and take a longer time (as more parts need to be warmed up!), more magic deep heat is applied and exertion is kept to the bare minimum (until adrenalin and a refusal-to-lose spirit takes over).

but complaining aside, i am grateful to God that i am still able bodied and doing the sports i love.

and lest you think age is an issue..then i warmly invite you down to your neighbourhood badminton courts to take on any uncle you see. you may run more and hit your shots harder but chances are, all you have to show for your effort is your perspiration.

i miss...

my kbox :-(

faith

recently, jack asked me how did i know if this sudden spiritualism is not because of jana and if one day (touchwood!) when our relationship is no more, will i still be as spiritual? i wished to say that the answer is a resounding "yes" but quite honestly i would not know. aferall, who knows the future but God? i'd be lying if i said that the question has never crossed my mind before but that is all it was..just a passing thought. it may seem like i am being ignorant and simply avoiding the matter but why prophecise something which may not happen? this is the faith i have in God and in my relationship...

so what is faith? the only place where faith is tangible is in your heart which is why you just have to believe it (whether love or religion or anything else) with all your heart..knowingly, yet blindly at the same time. you have to know what you believe in, else your faith is useless because you are believing in nothing in particular..which also means you have absolutely no idea what you are putting your faith in. at the same time, one has to be blind in faith..because faith is intangible and unexplainable anywhere else other than in your heart. if you tried to put a "practical" reasoning to faith, chances are you will either fail, end up confusing yourself or lose faith altogether.

there is this common misconception that people with lots of faith, are just plain ignorant and stubborn in their beliefs. let me just illustrate how wrong this is. for example, in a relationship, you love the other person knowingly but at the same time blindly (not ignorantly). obviously you have to know that person before you get together with him/her but what people miss out is the "blindly" part..in a relationship, the moment you "open your eyes" and question things like:

1. "i cannot pinpoint why exactly i love him/her" or
2. "is there someone out there more suited for me?" or
3. "will he/she be better off without me?"

you open your eyes up to the practical world where your definition of "true love" comes from the movies and the questions will be neverending.

1. there have to be reasons why you love someone, but there is no such thing as an "exact" reason because everyone changes..love means you adapt and accept these changes. if you are with someone because of just one specific reason, chances are, you are likely to end up disappointed very soon.

2. yes, there are definitely a lot more people out there who are more suited for you..to which also begs the question, how much is enough and when do you know when you find the one "most" suited for you? it is a neverending search.

3. similar to (2), there is no "perfect match" for anyone..if he/she loves you, that person will be worse off without you.

that being said, one should not turn a blind eye to problems in a relationship..that'd just be plain ignorance! i always believe problems are meant to be resolved..the more problems a couple resolve together, the stronger the relationship becomes...

different people have their own reasons, explanations and philosopies on love..just because you do not adhere to their theories does not mean your relationship is doomed. everyone has a different route, everyone has a different experience but there is always that one common denominator..that is faith.

back to the question by jack, while i do not have the answer for the future..i can confidently answer for the present and say that i have fullest faith in God, in jana and in our relationship. whatever happens in the future, will happen..in the meantime, i am just enjoying my renewed faith in God and in love..and that for me, is enough.

a righteous return

after much consideration, i have decided to return to manpower..this, despite my initial skepticism and a hope that something with singtel may work out (oh yeah, i finally made contact with their hr department after like over 50 resumes of trying! and yes it actually exists! was quite tempted to plant a flag in their office when i was there for my interview!). i know all this may just turn out to be a political ploy and that i am just a missing piece on the chessboard..but my conscience is clear and i trust God to do the right thing for me.

my initial worries stemmed from a concern that my return will definitely spell the end for another person and from an arrogance that i was better than her. then i realised that i was wrong on both counts. firstly, my return has nothing to do with this other person and my being there does not mean for sure that she is doomed; if she is good and wishes to stay, no one can make her leave. secondly, i do not know her well enough to judge if i am indeed better; everything i have heard about her is from others.

now regarding my return, some people may say this is a will of God and others may ask, how do you know? well, this i say to you, "God will always provide..He provides options when we need them and He provides answers when we ask." God shows the way but the choice is always ultimately our own.

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
- Psalm 23:1-3

third time lucky?

there is this chinese saying that goes "a good horse does not eat the grass behind it". two times this year i've suffered setbacks based on this saying. now a third time has come calling...

should i tempt fate one more time?

my blessed life

it's funny that despite my second successive failed career move this year i feel so very at ease this time round as compared to the previous failure at react pte ltd. while i was depressed and confused when i left react, there is this feeling that all things are in control this time. praise God. and as if to reassure me that He is indeed watching over me, i received three phone calls for job opportunities on my very last day at emc; two of which were uninitiated by me (i.e. i did not apply for those positions). now even if all three calls turn out to be nothing more, i know that God is still there for me and it is only right that i keep faith in Him just as He is keeping faith in me.

i have always led a blessed and relatively smooth sailing life..but i have not always been appreciative of the things - big and small - that i have been blessed with; a loving and supportive family, great friends, a healthy body, a sensitive nature, a glib tongue among others. that is not even mentioning the various life threatening instances which i have encountered and came away unscathed. thank God as well for jana, without whom, i'd probably be still wandering aimlessly in life - mentally, emotionally and spiritually. what is amazing is all this started out with the simple intention to support jana spiritually (which was not as simple a step as it sounds!). recently, jana and i have started praying together and i can feel His hand working in our lives and our relationship all the time - making us stronger as individuals and as a couple and guiding us along. praise God. i know for sure, there will be obstacles up ahead which will put my faith to the test but just as sure, i know He will always reach out for me and welcome me back.

God works in ways which we can never comprehend but each and every one of His work is intended and a miracle in itself - no matter how small or ordinary. this is my testimony. praise God indeed. for indeed, i have been blessed.

don't believe the truth

this was the title of oasis' sixth studio album..back then, i thought it was one of the most confusing and crappy titles ever..i mean, if it was the truth, then what is there not to believe? then just yesterday, while i was having dinner with jana, the thought hit me..it actually makes sense!

(actually, "the thought" does not have anything to do with me having dinner with jana.."the thought" came because i was thinking..which does not mean i was not paying attention to her because it came to me while she went to buy her dinner..and then it disappeared because she came back with her dinner..and all my attention went to her because you know, i don't want to waste moments with her, thinking other thoughts..then i had trouble remembering "the thought" until now. hope that clarifies things for you. anyway, as i was saying...)

don't believe the truth..i don't know if oasis meant it this way but what "the thought" said to me was when you look beyond the surface meaning - which is basically about being ignorant or in denial - what you'd find is "a lie". put it this way, what is "a truth"? it has been defined as "a fact that has been verified" or "accuracy: the quality of being near to the true value" or "conformity to reality or actuality". from the definitions, we can see that "a truth" is subjective. it is a fact that STILL needs to be verified..verified by who or what and based on what? it is a quality of being near to the true value..who or what determines this "true value"? it is conformity to reality or actuality..whose definition of reality?

now "the thought" says, what "a truth" really is, is a belief that "something is not a lie" or "something to believe in"..so now when you look at the phrase again, it simply means, don't accept truths at face value. sales people always tell you "the truth" about their products but after you have bought their items, there are always other "truths" behind "the truth"...

ultimately, we all have our own perceptions of whether certain things which are true or not..these perceptions are formed by our thoughts, morals, beliefs, religion or experiences, things which are mostly unique to us; what may be true for me, may not necessarily apply to you..i'd like to end with another album title, "this is my truth tell me yours" (by the manic street preachers..a quite brilliant album really!).."true" indeed..

grace

was just wondering today how do people say grace before meals..i mean i've always seen eric and dear do it..but i've never actually asked what was spoken or prayed during grace..until today..

addy: hey so what do you actually say when you say grace?
eric: i thank God for the food He has put on the table and for His providence
addy: wah..you say so much in such a short time ar?
eric: say it in your heart la!

i can just imagine his "diao" look as he said that last part! hahaha..oh and while most of the conversation has been reproduced (as accurately as i can), he did actually use the word "providence" (with my limited vocab, how to make up such a cheem word right?)..which made my next question even more valid..afterall saying "providence" itself is already 2 seconds leh! but his response made sense i think! :)

i know some will be surprised at my sudden spirituality..but it has not been sudden at all (if you know me well enough)..i have always believed in God and was always waiting for the right time or person to lead me back to His house. it is so funny and amazing then that the person who brought me back into the house of God was the same one i was sharing the various moments in my life that i have been touched by the hand of God with..on the day we were touched by God's grace - 13th June 2008. in my darkest hour, He shone his light and blessed me with the best gift i can ever be given..and for that, He has shown that He does not forsake His children..and for that, i give Him praise and thanks..because he persevered in me even when i waivered..because he sent you so that i may see. thank you dear. thank you God.

so we will run altogether with hearts aflame
with a fire that can’t be tamed
our God all glory to Your name, Jesus

you are sooooo...

SWEET
and i love you so!

a moment's silence...

...to remember my uncle Richard..who passed away just yesterday after a courageous fight with cancer. he is now resting peacefully with God, free from all the pain and suffering of this world.

God, watch over my aunt and my two cousins, who have just lost a husband and a father. may You comfort them the way only You can. keep uncle Richard in their hearts even as they go through this time of mourning. help them be brave and give them strength, knowing that uncle Richard is far better place now. God, comfort also the families and friends who had the fortune to know uncle Richard when he was alive. may all who knew him remember his laughter, niceness and his courage even in his final days.

Amen.

enlightenment

"do to others what you would have them do to you"
- Matthew 7:12

"if someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also
- Matthew 5:38-42

i am sure lots of christians have heard the above two bible sayings before..and like me have wondered what on earth is going on. i mean, the first teaches you that if someone does bad to you, give it back to that person and the second tells you to be gracious and just take it! well, i have been thinking about sunday's sermon quite a bit and the answer suddenly hit me...

while they may seem to contradict each other, what i see is that in fact, the two sayings complement one another. cannot see how it is possible? well, sunday's sermon addressed the issue of sin, repentance and consequence and it is from understanding this that i found the answer...

essentially, Christ's teaching is all about the second saying..which is graciousness. so how does the first one come into the picture then? when you look at it straight on, it seems to mean that after someone strikes you on the right and left cheek, you should just give it back to him/her on both cheeks!

now apply the logic of sin, repentance and consequence and it makes perfect sense. the saying takes reference from "you" and not "others"..meaning it is not the same as "do to others what others do to you" (which takes reference from "others"). note also that it says "what you would have them ("others") do to you" and not God or Jesus do to you. what this says is you can be bad to "others", you repent and God will forgive you..but you still have to be prepared to face consequences from "others" (the people you offended). now when you tie this in with the "turn the other cheek" theory, both teachings encourages graciousness..but should we choose not to be so (be it in anger, jealousy or vengence etc.), then even if God forgives, we will still have to face judgement from Man for our ungraciousness...

enlightenment! :)

---

addicted to a new scent.. "jana", simply oo-some!

not so beautiful afterall

this excerpt was taken from a lecture jarvis cocker gave on the art of lyrics..it's really quite funny and very "oh-my-god!-now-why-didn't-i-realise-that-before!"...

Consider James Blunt. I know that attacking him may seem like shooting fish in a barrel, but I'm going to do it anyway. Let's look at the lyrics for 'You're Beautiful'.

"My life is brilliant."
Hmmm. It doesn't really get off to the best start does it? Anyway, let's carry on...

"My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that, cause I've got a plan"
Okay, that sounds pretty interesting. It makes you wonder what the plan is and how he's going to get the woman. So you naturally want to keep listening...

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true
I saw you face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do, cause I'll never be with you"
Oh? But he just told us he had a plan - now he's telling us he'll never see her again.

"Yeah, she caught my eye, as we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was flying high
And I don't think that I'll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end"
Okay, there's still no sign of the plan. I'm starting to worry about all this...

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true
I saw you face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do, cause I'll never be with you"
A bit of repetition there. And he's leaving it a bit late to tell us about his plan...

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face when she thought up that I should be with you
But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you"
Can you believe it? There was no plan. It was a LIE!

- for full article, please visit acrylic afternoons

so whether we were singing along to the song or being irritated to death by it, did anyone realise the flaw in the lyrics? well, i didn't..and i thought it was quite ingenious..jarvis, that is!

pru-duh-ent

SINGAPORE : Finance Minister Tharman Shanmugaratnam has warned that Singapore could face another round of inflation if companies increase wages to help workers cope with the higher cost of living today...

...Mr Tharman said such short—term measures are not prudent. - CNA

funny how this did not apply when they increased our ministers' pay ar? now get high pay already, can tell people that "such short-term measures are not prudent" leh!

then can government also "shun bian" stop the increment in erp charges, the rising prices of petrol and food since you know, "such short-term measures are (apparently also) not (very) prudent"?

duh!

things will work themselves out...

i feel happier and lighter (well metaphorically speaking! did i just use a big word there? that is so so sooo unlike me man!) these days..yeah, i am still jobless but things are really looking up..just this week alone, i have five interviews! i feel bad that i have to take time off to attend these because it also means that i have been cancelling meetings and abandoning justin and the k1 project..i am glad that he is understanding enough..though i know that it must be frustrating for him especially when we are nearing the climax of the event...

another reason why i am smiling wider (as wide as my "narrow" face allows of course!) these days is because of my princess! :) in april, my world basically collapsed on me when "the ex" walked away..i did not want to know why but yet i was not satisfied not knowing either. i guess that happens when you believed so whole-heartedly that that person was the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with. but life has this funny way of sneaking up on you and smacking you with a frying pan when you least expect it!

if you can believe it, i most definitely did not expect to get into a relationship so soon..much less give so much so willingly..but she has really changed my life and brightened it infinitely. she has stood by me quietly all this while, from the moments i was really down and depressed, over the breakup, over the joblessness and over spraining my back (i have yet to touch a football for 2 whole months already..even my heart surgery did not keep me down this long!)..but through those times, i had not seen her as anything more than a release. it was only recently that i found myself drawn to her amidst the numerous smses exchanged, the late nights on msn and my self-denial..it was just not possible! but then, incredulous as it sounds, all it took was one "friday that was not supposed to happen" to break my resistance (and i found out afterwards, hers as well!)..if it sounds drama, it is..but that is really how it happened..the feeling i got on that friday was so surreal, i kept telling myself it cannot possibly happen in real life except that it did! and despite all the doubts i casted in that instance, it just would not feel wrong...

now i just cannot imagine a life without her at any point of time..and i do not want to waste time imagining that happening either. if it is one thing i have learnt, it is to treasure each moment as it passes..else these moments (which incidentally only passes by once) will simply pass us by wasted...

God will always send love our way...just like he leads the thirsty to water..at the end of the day, it is our decision whether or not to let love into our hearts..and thank God, i am not thirsty anymore! :)

ps: the princess has requested that her identity be kept hidden for "security" and "image" purposes..(apparently) it is awfully "unglam" to make royal announcements over blogs and msn..in the meantime, please patiently wait your turn until the royal guards deliver the good news to your "peasant-villes"!

pps: find out more about motorsports in singapore and the k1 grand finale - the first event taking place on the f1 track - happening at the f1 pit building on 26-27th july. stand to win yourself a canon ixus digital camera when you take part in the k1 quiz. or if you are up for more attractive prizes, sign up for our pit crew challenge or k1 m-bassador search! visit us at www.k1.sg today!

ERP

it is not normal for me to blog twice a day..or at least, not on two posts anyway..but i think this warrens a post of its own. i was just reading the report on the erp hikes and it amused me..yep, amused! the reason why they are charging more and at more gantries is because..vehicle speeds are slowing down! it is no longer because there are too many vehicles in the city area..or because of air pollution or traffic jams..we are all tired of the same stories every time so now the new problem is people are going too slow!

but increase erp? come on now..if that was the solution, why haven't the past times work? so if no one drives into the city and the neighbourhood areas become congested with vehicles, also put up erp gantries? and then when people refuse to drive further than their mama-shops because there are erp gantries everywhere else, put erp gantries in carparks? then when people are sick and tired of the gantries, tax them for selling off their cars? don't you civil servants have any brains or any creativity? (guess not!) now here is what addy will do,

1. ban taxis within the city area
as all drivers know, taxis are road hazards. keep them out of the city! that way, other motorists can drive faster on safer roads too!

2. ban buses and all heavy vehicles within the city area
these vehicles take up too much space and move too slowly. when cars slow down for buses and heavy vehicles, traffic naturally slow down too! it's called cause-and-effect dear civil servants..come repeat after me...cause..and..effect..as for public transport, i am sure smrt will be very agreeable with my suggestion!

3. encourage speeding (no drinking of course) within the city
that way, journeys would be smoother and everyone can get to their destinations faster.

4. remove ALL unnecessary traffic lights
without so many traffic lights, cars do not have to stop every 10 meters or so and thus will speed up traffic flow. for pedestrian crossings, build more overhead bridges or underpasses!

see what a little creativity can do? huh? what you mean that..oh? sorry, my bad..due to economy slowdown and stagnant growth, the increase in erp charges and the number of erp gantries is absolutely necessary for our government to properly run the country..if no extra money come in, how to buy the now even more extra expensive rice? if no rice, how to maintain the energy levels required by a good government? if no good government, you think singapore can carry on prospering like we have? no right? so yes, erp...very very good idea!

why? because...

E xtra
R evenue
P roduced

sellout!

i absolutely hate civil servants..i hate their cockiness (though most of them have nothing to be cocky about)..i hate their smarts (though most of them have bigger memories than brains)..i hate their taiji skills (though most of them cannot really do the sport)..seriously, i've had the (unfortunate) chance to deal with not 1, not 2 but 4 government bodies or related associations over the past 2 weeks..and not a single one has proven me wrong! yes, including that goon who cannot even pronounce my name correctly! how someone is able to read my name as TON yong SENG is really (light years) beyond me! sure i don't have the prettiest handwriting, it is at least legible yeah? some say my handwriting is like a primary school handwriting exercise (you know the ones where you write the letters within the block?)..but for goodness, it was a screen shot from the web! i'm not even going to mention what happened with the other 3 but since you are curious (i assume of course..you are free to skip the following and proceed to the bottom of the post), i shall entertain you a little!

1. addy needs a map screenshot and being a law abiding citizen, decides to get permission from government agency.

g.a.: please call this other party
other party: they everything also refer to us la..it is under them!
(back to g.a.)
g.a.: let me refer you to my officer
g.a. officer: please call this other party (the exact same "other party"..AFTER i have told this person that i had already called that "other party")

-exasperated-

2. addy attends a meeting with government agency.

g.a.: basically pr has two arms, one advertising and the other pr
addy: -thinks to himself- HUH?! two arms? she means P and R si bo?
(for the benefit of non-marketers, advertising does not fall under public relations)

g.a.: so..how are you going to pitch your advertisement?
addy: -thinks to himself- PITCH? advertisement?!
(again for the benefit of non-marketers, "pitch" sounds very glam and all important but..it is a term usually used for pr..no one pitches an advertisement!)

for the record, i was in the meeting with two other project mates, one from events and the other from the press and we were all very very impressed at her "smarts"...

-amused-

3. addy enquires about the status of his car from a government agency.

first call: g.a. promises to check and call back
(no call back)
second call: g.a. starts with "you have called once before" and goes on to keep me on hold until the line went dead!
third call: g.a. starts with "you have called once before" but before she can go further i told her "of course i have called more than once before..because this is my third call!" i wanted to add that i could count but thought that that would be rather mean so i did not...

-can die-

ok, now for the bummer part -ahemz- i have been shortlisted for a job in a government agency and really enthusiastic about it! i know i know..absolutely, spineless sellout! but i will be a rare breed in there..and they need people like me so that we can serve you better!

glad you could see it my way! :D

---

someone sent this to me some time back...

time together brings two ppl closer
time apart may cause eventual drifts
time heals wounds
time lost can never be retrieved
time is something you cannot buy even if you had all the riches of the world

if you think that it is stating what is quite the obvious, it actually is la! :P but sometimes, it is the obvious which we do not see..and for a moment of time i did not either...

i do now :)

ps: i know the sentence structure is quite bad..but people say copyright leh..cannot anyhow change wor!

confronting my demons

there are certain things which i have successfully avoided for the last few months because simply, i just cannot bear to..at times, it is to the extent that it may seem unnecessary behaviour and selfish but when i am in that state, i do not really care. some of these occasions i absolutely refuse to turn up for are baby showers and weddings..really happy and blissful stuff which i had once not long ago, foreseen myself partaking in rather than being a spectator. and then there is that thing which i love but have since avoided like the plague..ktv. sounds trivial eh? but it is especially hard when she has been your regular ktv companion for the past few years and every song you sing has bits and pieces of her in them..her reaction to the song, her expression, her singing along..it kills me.

no more.

why should i allow someone who has chosen to walk out on me maintain control over me?

she does not deserve it.

transition...

how do you blog about events which have messed up your life on what was seemingly a smooth sailing journey without sounding too childish and bitter? you cannot, really..though it is all about perspective and the side you are taking...and since you are reading my blog, i take it that you are on my side..right? but i shall not dwell into details here because, much as i love to whine, it has been a while and i'd rather let things pass..it has not been easy and it still is tough but i am pulling through..surely.

on the work front, i am in between jobs at the moment (which is a nicer way to say that i quit my job and cannot find another yet!). on the other hand, i have been kept busy with some freelance copywriting which i am grateful to bryan for and working with another friend on a major national project..which i am currently unable to divulge further details on. these are really exciting times ahead but the fact remains, i am unemployed..and there is only that long my optimism (or funds for that matter) can last me.

on a lighter note, i applied for a deferment from my reservist to aid in my job hunt..and mindef (being the all important civil service it is), sent me a sms asking me to send in supporting documents before they can process my deferment. like, what "supporting documents" can i produce? maybe i'll just write them a letter..

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am really really really unemployed..REALLY! As evidence of my unemployment, I have attached 5 pictures of me 1) at home sending out resumes, 2) eating instant noodles (at home of course) and 3) wandering the streets aimlessly (near my home of course) for each weekday of the week.

For your kind consideration.

Best regards,
Adrian

PS: I have also taken the liberty to cc: you on every single job application I am sending henceforth.

越爱越难过

说 说你为什麼
为什麼要走
说你为何要分手

别拖 求你别软弱
求你说出口
分手的理由

但你却 拖 拖 拖
拖到什麼时候
如果要走却又为何停留
请你别 拖 拖 拖
大声的说出口
请你要痛就痛给我个快活

如果说你要走
我不会留
我不去管以后
然后我们说清楚
一句话就够
如果说你要走
我不会留
我不去管以后
多麼痛
多麼的难过
别越爱越难过

然后连话都不说
继续沉默
连朋友都没的作
为了什麼
然后跟别人说你其实还是爱我
就算了吧
坏人我来作

de-mo

suffering from a severe lack of motivation these days..both at work and well, in general..this demotivation i feel every morning makes my time at manpower (not the ministry) seems like heaven! (i know, the grass is always greener on the other side..well, my point exactly, it really is!) besides the severe lack of lighting in the office, there is a severe lack of organisation..but i shall not bore you (or myself) with the details!

to make things worse, i have gotten numb to my retail therapy (how's that for severe demotivation!)..i know, life is so much more than money but wait, you just have to hear my incredible purchases this time round! you must be thinking, 50 cds right? hah! well, on top of that...i've gotten myself...

a pair of oakley shades!

ok, so it's not such a big deal even though they are expensive and overrated and really expensive and did i mention totally overrated?..but there's more..there's a new..

car!

yep..why on earth do i need a car when my dad hardly drives his is really beyond me! it is, so don't "huh?" me! i'd just "huh!" you back! my initial intention was to lighten my dad's financial burden but apparently now he wants to keep his car so..anyway, i feel nothing towards this either..

ironically, the only pain which i've felt in the last few weeks (besides being hit by a 7th year terminal rash of the heart) is a back sprain which kept me at home the whole of last week! now that was F-R-E-A-K-ing painful! i had to be stretchered to an ambulance and sent to hospital, spent 4 hours there and took 2 injections (one in the ass, yes seriously) before i could even sit! (yes, you are right, i am just showing off here! that obvious huh?) all for a week's mc..which wasn't really worth it considering that there was a public holiday on thursday (i am calculative!)..and oh yeah, that other fact that i virtually worked from home the whole of the week as well! sucks right?

so now, as it always seem to happen to me, i'm at another crossroads..waiting to be hit by a car..demotivated..demoralised..and (for a period of time) demobilised!

notes:
1) addy did not actually buy 50 cds. nearly. but almost does not count!
2) addy thinks that the pain caused by the back sprain made the injection in the ass feel like a mosquito bite.
3) addy did not know he got injected into the ass until the nurse said "i'm injecting the painkiller into your backside and it will hurt!"
4) addy realises now that the back is a really important part of the body. it is incredibly tough to put on your socks or underwear with a bad back!

彩虹

we were probably the two most "ang mo pai" people i know who are most crazy about ktv...

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白...

Farewell

numb me from all emotion
and set me free
if this is your solution
then i hope you are happy...

the paper chase

if you think that singaporeans are getting more educated and more informed about current affairs, you're probably right..afterall, there is a new sort of paper chase in town and everyone is eligible for it; young and old, smart and not-so-smart, rich and bankrupt, literate and illiterate (yep, that's correct folks..you can now chase paper even if you cannot read or write! wait..make that, even if you cannot read AND write!). this is the "free newspaper" chase (the essential thing here is not so much that it is a "paper chase" but that it is free. thus explaining the slack criteria for "admission")!

in the mornings as i walk up tanjong pagar mrt station to get to the surface, i always watch with amusement as executives in nice office wear and suits mix with the aunties and uncles chasing after the "TODAY" and "My Paper" distributors! just stand back and watch, it is really quite funny - especially the parts when the distributors go back for a "top up" and a whole gang of executives follow in pursuit to the "top up" area (putting the pied piper of hamelin to shame in the process)! but that is the only funny bit about this chase..the sad truth is, though highly educated and some highly paid, these people are mostly not so highly courteous! from the way they grab the papers from the distributors to the way they give demanding stares to get the papers and after all that, not a word of "thank you" or a smile..it is quite a disgrace..and how about those who take more than one copy? i mean, honestly, do you think you become more knowledgeable when you read more copies of the same news from the same paper? maybe that's why it is called "current" affairs, you read it once, the paper become giam chai and the information within disintegrates together with the quality of the paper, so must read a brand new copy to stay "current"! oh yeah, and not forgetting those people-who-make-full-use-of-time, the mrt can be packed to the brim and everyone else is squeezing..but these wonderful people-who-make-full-use-of-time will somehow still have acres of space around them to keep their newspapers wide open, oblivious to the chaos around them!

it is really a shame that as people become more educated, they demand more of others but they forget to give just a little bit back..even something as simple as courtesy. i don't want to sound like i am running a courtesy campaign but the sad fact of the matter is singaporeans are becoming habitually discourteous..meaning a lot of them behave like that, without the intention to actually project themselves that way. in fact, i know of lots of people who are genuinely nice but when put in a "paper chase" situation, they become just like any other ugly singaporean.

coincidentally, some smartie decided to name one of these free newspapers "My Paper" - not his, not hers, not yours..but my, MY MY MY!

Give me My Paper, TODAY, NOW*!

*"NOW", a new free publication by addy for the ugly singaporeans who cannot wait to get their hands on the very latest news, not yesterday's, not this morning's, not even the second that just passed but NOW! Now, is that current or what!

invasion of privacy

it never ceases to amaze me the people who have set foot onto this blog i call, "my blog" (yeah "like..duh!" rite? i thought so too!). the funny thing is, it never quite bothered me if the (few) people who have had the privilege to be damned by me here are actually part of my audience. but if they are, i hope they feel real good about themselves because like i said, they are a real rare breed! this can be seen as an act of real boldness or utter stupidity and truth be told, if i was on the other side of the fence i'd tell myself (which wouldn't really be me because i would have been on the other side of the fence remember?) "adrian your honest and outspoken entries are really bold but reeks of utter stupidity!" which does not really make incredible sense, but then i am not on the other side of the fence now am i? ;)

but whether it is audacity or plain silliness, it is just me to be upfront with my feelings and thoughts. it may ruffle a few feathers sometimes, create a little confusion other times and - if it works in your favour - even make your day..the bottom line is at least you know that whatever i say is really what i am thinking and not for some hidden agenda (or at least, if it was, you wouldn't think of it that way)! if i said that i was absolutely pissed off with someone, you'd know i was really absolutely pissed off with someone. if i said that i found satisfaction in something, you'd know i had really found satisfaction in something. if i said that i met a real cute girl at work whom i asked out for dinner, you'd know i had really met a real cute girl at work whom i asked out for dinner..AND you should also kindly remind me to remove that post so that i do not get into any "confrontations" which may result in further "complications"! :P

so if you are still new to my humble blog, please don't feel like you are invading my space (it actually belongs to blogger.com) or my privacy..because what you read here are things i willingly share and/or want to let out of my system. but if at any time you feel insulted or suddenly realised midway through that you have been anointed one of the "privileged few", please do click that cute little "x" on your top right hand corner and stop reading. if you do choose to carry on, it is at your own discretion and you should do so in a calm and orderly manner. any form of retaliation may result in a report made against you for harassment (don't even ask! it makes the statement sound more important like that!), invasion of privacy and for being such a kaypo!

7 year itch

i know this sounds defensive..lots of you will question if the lack of blog entries recently is due to excessive paktoring..honestly, i don't know where you guys (those who think that way at least) get such incredulous ideas but i have to say that that is almost true! :P mostly i have been just lazy about it..i have lots of things to say and lots of stories to share but not so lots of energy. yep, it sounds like a lame excuse and make no mistake about it, it is!

19 january 2008, saturday
this date was significant for two reasons - 1) it was jay chou's concert (please picture that without making me look/sound like a starstruck schoolgirl..maybe a schoolboy but most definitely not a schoolgirl!) and 2) it has been 7 years since karen and first got together.



given that we did not have the best view in the house, we (aileen, apple (leen's friend), karen, kenneth and i) still had a rocking good time at the concert; singing, jumping and waving our hands along to every song, from the newest to the older ones..and ok, i admit, we did that starstruck schoolgirl/schoolboy thing of agreeing to everything jay said..you know when he goes "are you having fun? (in chinese of course)", we go "yeeeesss! (in chinese also)"..but in defense, what was i to do right? it was between being in agreement or risk being hammered by the throngs of jay chou fans!

now regarding the other part about the 7 years, you do the maths..ok we cheated a bit on that 1.5 years when we were apart but then you know what they say "love is never fair game!"..and we are still very much in love! :)

english..taught by auntie bk

was at burger king having my lunch on new year's eve and i overheard (well, not exactly overheard since they were talking rather loudly and even if i tried not to, i'd still hear them quite clearly!) two aunties' conversation..auntie 1 was lamenting to auntie 2 about her son being taught by a chinese (from china) teacher..

auntie 1: wah..my son's china teacher ar..i tell you damn ploblem ar..everything also call..say my son never do his homework ar blaaah blaah blah blah blah.. (i am not making this up by the way, she really went "blaaah blaah blah blah blah" and the way she said it was damn amusing! but that's not the best part yet..)..most of the time i cannot understand her..she is from beijing la..her engrish ar is damn bad!

when i heard that last bit, my sprite nearly forced its way out of my mouth! i know i am mean but come on, admit it, you laughed too when you read that! what? not even a snigger? or a smile? liar! there are more to that conversation but i shall not type a longwinded post on primary 5 streaming and secondary school choices in my first post of 2008!

anyway,
HAPPYNEWYEAR
to one and all!