faith

recently, jack asked me how did i know if this sudden spiritualism is not because of jana and if one day (touchwood!) when our relationship is no more, will i still be as spiritual? i wished to say that the answer is a resounding "yes" but quite honestly i would not know. aferall, who knows the future but God? i'd be lying if i said that the question has never crossed my mind before but that is all it was..just a passing thought. it may seem like i am being ignorant and simply avoiding the matter but why prophecise something which may not happen? this is the faith i have in God and in my relationship...

so what is faith? the only place where faith is tangible is in your heart which is why you just have to believe it (whether love or religion or anything else) with all your heart..knowingly, yet blindly at the same time. you have to know what you believe in, else your faith is useless because you are believing in nothing in particular..which also means you have absolutely no idea what you are putting your faith in. at the same time, one has to be blind in faith..because faith is intangible and unexplainable anywhere else other than in your heart. if you tried to put a "practical" reasoning to faith, chances are you will either fail, end up confusing yourself or lose faith altogether.

there is this common misconception that people with lots of faith, are just plain ignorant and stubborn in their beliefs. let me just illustrate how wrong this is. for example, in a relationship, you love the other person knowingly but at the same time blindly (not ignorantly). obviously you have to know that person before you get together with him/her but what people miss out is the "blindly" part..in a relationship, the moment you "open your eyes" and question things like:

1. "i cannot pinpoint why exactly i love him/her" or
2. "is there someone out there more suited for me?" or
3. "will he/she be better off without me?"

you open your eyes up to the practical world where your definition of "true love" comes from the movies and the questions will be neverending.

1. there have to be reasons why you love someone, but there is no such thing as an "exact" reason because everyone changes..love means you adapt and accept these changes. if you are with someone because of just one specific reason, chances are, you are likely to end up disappointed very soon.

2. yes, there are definitely a lot more people out there who are more suited for you..to which also begs the question, how much is enough and when do you know when you find the one "most" suited for you? it is a neverending search.

3. similar to (2), there is no "perfect match" for anyone..if he/she loves you, that person will be worse off without you.

that being said, one should not turn a blind eye to problems in a relationship..that'd just be plain ignorance! i always believe problems are meant to be resolved..the more problems a couple resolve together, the stronger the relationship becomes...

different people have their own reasons, explanations and philosopies on love..just because you do not adhere to their theories does not mean your relationship is doomed. everyone has a different route, everyone has a different experience but there is always that one common denominator..that is faith.

back to the question by jack, while i do not have the answer for the future..i can confidently answer for the present and say that i have fullest faith in God, in jana and in our relationship. whatever happens in the future, will happen..in the meantime, i am just enjoying my renewed faith in God and in love..and that for me, is enough.