was at the columbarium today with my family (grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins) to visit my grandpa..and it was there where i traced the roots of my lameness and crappiness..as if there was any doubt in the first place!
lesson one: power of association my grandma: (in hokkien) your grandpa stays on the sixth floor, i also stay on the sixth floor!
(my grandpa's urn is placed on the sixth row while my grandma just moved house recently to tiong bahru and well, stays on the sixth floor)
lesson two: crap attack my mum when she heard my grandma say that (above): no la..he (my grandpa) stays on the seventh floor. you never count the ground floor!
lesson three: play along my grandma actually went to count the rows and then pointed out to my mum in a matter-of-fact manner that it is in fact the sixth row!
lesson four: the topic changer after that, my grandma, mum and aunts started forming 4D numbers with the number 6 and my grandpa's "block" and "unit" numbers!
highly amusing la.. current playlist.. sonia..jason donovan..and lots of boyband songs..
was at east coast park with marie last night..i promised her i'd take her there to let her shout at the sea..well, thankfully she didn't do that for real! you never know what sort of sea creatures or sea gods you might offend! while she did not shout at me either, we had a really nice conversation*..
..when i hear myself speak, i realise that it's true..i have moved on..and i sincerely wish everyone whom i have loved before, hurt before and gotten hurt by before all the best..even though i am still weary from the experiences, i bear no grudges and i don't want answers anymore..answers will not change the past nor will they change the future..answers will not solve a single thing! in fact, by waiting for answers, we are indirectly hanging on to something which is already gone..even if these answers were volunteered to us, they will just bring about even more questions..when will it all end?
i am now walking down a long corridor, waiting for someone to open her door to me..i have let go..now, i just need someone to motivate me..
*the whole conversation has been deliberately excluded from this entry due to it's sensitivity and private and confidential nature. as such, this entry is based solely on my thoughts.
i dreamt..and it scared me awake.. the more i think about it, the more it bothers me.. it is not you..you are fine.. it is me..i am confused.. just something i have to overcome.. the irony...
i said i wasn't gonna lose my head but then pop! goes my heart i wasn't gonna fall in love again but then pop! goes my heart and i just can't let you go i can't lose this feeling...
i don't know what i am talking about anymore...
can i dance with you? and if i can't, can i just stand by your side? while you swayed, i can shake a little if i can't, i will just vibrate on the spot until the night is over and the music stops
can i talk to you? and if i can't, can i just listen to you? while you whined, i can bear with it a little if i can't, i will just pretend i could until the night is over and you get tired
can i make you laugh at my lousy jokes? can i make you smile at my silliness? can i make you happy just by being around? but if i can't do all that, then can i wait? until the night is over and the dream ends
addy (20 march 2007) something-irrelevent-which-i-had-wanted-to-say-sooner-but-which-kept-slipping-my-mind-until-now...
this is so everything i want out of a romantic comedy..gorgeous music, lovely storyline and a happy ending! it's so sweet it's diabetic! :)
"way back into love" by hugh grant and haley bennett
i've been living with a shadow overhead i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed i've been lonely for so long trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on
i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away just in case i ever need them again someday i've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind
all i wanna do is find a way back into love i can't make it through without a way back into love
i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine i've been searching but i just don't see the signs i know that it's out there there's got to be something for my soul somewhere
i've been looking for someone to shed some light not somebody just to get me through the night i could use some direction and i'm open to your suggestions
all i wanna do is find a way back into love i can't make it through without a way back into love and if i open my heart again i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
there are moments when i don't know if it's real or if anybody feels the way i feel i need inspiration not just another negotiation
all i wanna do is find a way back into love i can't make it through without a way back into love and if i open my heart to you i'm hoping you'll show me what to do and if you help me to start again you know that i’ll be there for you in the end
while i absolutely love this song..it makes me think too much and i can feel the tears forming in my eyes while i listen to it on repeat. and then, i wish that that feeling would just leave me alone..all i wanna do is find a way back into love...is that really so hard to do? another card magic video from shiqin...
i feel a royal flush (royal flush as opposed to a toilet flush) of emotion every time i see a loving couple..it just brings back memories and reminds me what i have been missing the last few months..but ginny is right..i should quit all these useless emotions and move forward..maybe instead of arranging all my feelings in a royal flush i should just flush them down the toilet bowl!
"teach me to lose you"
teach me to lose you, show me how to let go i suppress it, but my heart won't follow beating to its own rhythm, clinging to you ticking onwards even if time stood still for us, but you're with another guy and i? i'm just a passerby in your relationship, i'm nobody someone who stumbled into you accidentally by chance, by coincidence or by fate by luck, by then it's already too late teach me to lose you, ask me leave tell me i'm after something i'll never receive turn your back on me, say it's not worth it but how can i let go when i'm not ready to quit? how can i leave when i'm not ready to go? how can i give up when you won't say no? teach me to lose you, force me to see but this foolish heart of mine won't quit easy
addy (20 march 2006) other random thoughts...
1) marie triggers me to say the silliest and lamest things..things i would not be caught dead saying normally. okay well that can't totally be true since my colleagues have apparently put me down for the next big suan-ster award after just less than two months at work..but you know how people are la..you say something silly and they overreact with sillier things! :P (that award does not really exist by the way! seriously la!)
2) if you are really bored, bimbotised and in desperate need of a destresser (must be desperate k!), you can join marie dressing up cristiano ronaldo (or any of your favourite stars) in barbie clothes at stardolls!
3) been flu-ey the whole of last week..i mean, i could have called in sick and stayed home but how can! one mc will set me back nearly a hundred buckeroos a day! blame it on the fact that i did not fall sick enough for my brain to mulfunction sufficiently to override the images of 100 dollar bills in my head (with wings no less!)
4) two dinners two dates two days.. friday with jess at su korean cuisine at far east plaza..we ordered the set meal for two and they served us a set meal for four! no the order did not come wrongly..it was that much food! the service was prompt but it took us two hours to finish the food (okay, well one hour was spent talking and laughing..maybe a little more than that! you get the drift!) anyway, both jess and i agreed that the chicken was really nice! it was a little on the expensive side but alright once in a while i suppose! :) saturday with elise at kaki bukit 511 food centre..just to explain a little about the food centre..it is not actually located in kaki bukit, it is in bedok north..and it is not part of the aljunied or east coast grcs, it belongs to marine parade grc..apparently certain maps require updating! right, now back to dinner..fried rice (which i keep spelling as "friend rice" as i am typing this blog!), kuay chup, bbq sting ray (not very nice), sugar cane juice, sugar cane juice with lemon and talk a lot! there's a story behind the fried rice actually..elise told me that she had a craving for it..but when we reached the place, she started thinking of what to eat..and so being nice (as always), i reminded her of her craving and why she should fulfill it and not torture herself by letting the craving linger on in the depths of her mind! if not cannot study and cannot sleep how? right? so..must always fulfill your craving! :P
5) lastly for the girls..if you are into fashion and you're bored with what you find in shops, do check out la piccola donna! good variety at excellent prices! just two things to note..don't piss off the owner (or you will end up on the "hall of shame" - right on top of the website somemore!)..and don't ask who is the model! :P spread the love and happy shopping! totally in love with these two songs...
started today with a sms chat with marie..she's one funny girl la! :)
i love wednesdays..wednesdays make the weeks feel shorter..i still wish for my midweek breaks though..then i can go for my shopping, swimming and footie again!!
anyway, went online shopping with aileen for t-shirts last night at threadless..here are some of the designs..nice nice! the marshmallow one is so cute right? :)
check out my friend, shiqin performing some card magic..really cool! :)
though i haven't been feeling so great recently..things like these still make me smile! :)
pieces of a dream fragments of whatever remains fuzzy like bad reception blurred by a certain distain for you and all your empty promises retracted by your so-called righteousness but you can save your tears save your time thinking up perfect excuses and painting me white lies don't say you're sorry that i will get over it easily don't make it such a crying shame it makes me sound petty you and i it's no longer the same pieces of a dream none of it remains
when joan first told me she had wanted to walk out of the theatre 30 minutes into the show, i was quite incredulous..i mean, how bad can a musical be right? but when i watched it, i understood what she meant..the show was really way too draggy..at certain parts, you can literally hear the whole theatre in silence (half of them asleep maybe!)..not to say the acting or singing or the songs were bad..in fact, the cast including the four main leads - jamie foxx, beyonce, eddie murphy and jennifer hudson - put in a highly credible performance..i am especially surprised by eddie murphy's earnestness in his role as jimmy early..probably because most of us only associate him with comedy roles (i.e. norbit)..also, while the songs are generally pleasant enough, most of it is very r&b..for people who cannot appreciate the genre, this may be one very strenuous experience at over 2 hours long..overall, i would not say that the show was bad but i still prefer musicals in their more "traditional" environment..
another week has just passed by like that..only monday i was wondering how am i going to get through the week..and now it is sunday and then monday again! work is taking up most of my time these days..when i get home, i do not feel like doing anything at all but sit in front of my computer and slack..i know it sounds lifeless but lifeless probably describes my energy levels after a day at work nowadays. don't misunderstand, i do not hate my work nor is it rocket science..it is just tedious or probably i am just not used to it yet..and ginny (my manager) says that "the worse is yet to come"! -gulps- haven't been attending church regularly since the new year (the english one i am referring to!)..i feel really guilty but i just cannot seem to drag myself off the bed in the mornings! argh! bad bad bad! how does gabriel and karen do it! or could it be that i am losing my faith?
