resuming normal service

i realise i have been writing a lot but i haven't been writing much..i'm not exactly in perfect working order..but i'm not exactly that depressed anymore..people who come out with me or talk to me think that there is nothing wrong with me..still smiling, still making lame remarks, still talking rubbish..how wrong they are..i guess it comes with the impression i give others..my close friends will know that i am actually a very emotional person who is not afraid to express whatever i feel..and not just some happy-go-lucky, crap-talking, one-man-circus act that i know i sometimes can be..this is one of the rare occasions in life i suppose..that it feels like no one knows me..not even myself..mainly because i don't really know how to put all these emotions into words..my thoughts are like a million pieces jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces look the same..no i am not alright..but i am okay..

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today:

finally did some sports this morning..no thanks to my sunday footie being cancelled last week and this week as well! it's been quite a long time since i last played tennis..didn't have any momentum at all and my shots were so weak and wayward..it was a good workout though..at least i could let out some frustration on the court! supposed to attend a friend's house warming later, but looking at the weather, i think not..

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yesterday:

last day at the takashimaya office..we are moving to 79 anson road..no more lunch time walk along orchard road! hai..
i am so going to miss my little corner..

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the day before yesterday:

desperately needed company for dinner..i just couldn't take the strain anymore and i needed someone to talk to..thankfully aileen was free that evening..i basically poured out all my confusion to her on our taxi ride..it didn't solve anything but it sure felt a lot better..kenneth and chris then met us afterwards for dinner at bedok 85 but that is irrelevent..

leenie..thanks for being there when i needed someone..and no..you're not such a lousy advisor :)

as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
- oasis

"thank you"
to you who cared..
--,'-@

you won't see me cry..



look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow..

once upon a rainy monday morning..

i have been feeling really down these days..just sudden bursts of depression..over what? over i don't know..there is no real certainty for me to pinpoint why this is even happening..but whilst i'm at it, i'd like to get some things off my chest..

i'm sorry ah gong..i'm sorry i wasn't there for you during your final days..you have always taken care of me the best you knew..and yet in your last hours and days after you've passed, i wasn't there for you..i'm feel so ungrateful..i hope heaven has a translator so that you will know what i'm saying..i love you..

i'm sorry kare-bear..i'm sorry things turned out the way they have..i know you will say it wasn't really anyone's fault..but i could have been more understanding and less demanding..funny how it was only afterwards that we began spending more constructive time together and how i started going to church regularly..i guess one can say that everything that have happened since february are like little blessings in disguise..it feels weird sometimes..like we haven't really broken out of our little routines with each other..but i'm really really glad and blessed at the same time that we've found someone else within each other..

i'm sorry ms ning..i'm sorry that you feel that way about me..no matter what i hope that you're happier..

i'm sorry jinxy..i'm sorry that i do not have enough love, energy or courage at this moment..thank you for taking time out to care though..i really appreciate that..

lastly, sorry to anyone else i've not treated well enough or have neglected..i am too emotional, too weak and too not-myself anymore..sad songs get me really down..over what? over i don't know..and if you see me, don't ask me why? like i've said before, i have nothing to say..

so good morning to you..and good night to the world..sweet dreams..

lots of love,
hugs,
and kisses,
addy

i just need a hug..

wonder

sometimes, i wonder..too..

a penny for your thoughts..

"just a penny?" i ask..

yeah..actions speak louder than words..words speak louder than a mumble..a mumble is louder than your thoughts..and as we can't do much with your thoughts unless we decipher them which is an extremely tedious process..we are just paying out a penny for each..

"hmm.."

you can try selling them to cash converters and see if they pay more..

"deal! a penny it is then!

don't let them make you feel small
with their hands like guns at your head
they'll claw but they'll never win
if you let wonder in..
- embrace

even if you cannot hear my voice..i'll be right beside you dear..

snow patrol - run (live at glastonbury 2004)

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i wish i could tell you, of all the down i'm feeling now..but you won't know..i have nothing to say..

white colourless envelopes

my colleagues passed me a whole bunch of envelopes while clearing the office cupboards "for you to send letters to girlfriend"..no girlfriend..and besides, i usually fold my own colourful little envelopes..uneven, out of proportions, ugly little envelopes just like a kindergarten kid's origami..

would you love me more if i grew up?

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mic check..

is this on?

testing 1 2 3..

ok..

"addy will be right back after a short commercial break!"

i really don't feel like talking anymore..

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear..
- snow patrol

lost in a crowd

white fluffy clouds..
faceless..nameless..

strangers..

i am lost in them..
now i am one of them..
faceless..nameless..

strangers..

if i lay here, if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?
- snow patrol

(for you who care..
because you love it too..)

darkness to light

who do i love?
what do i want?
am i happy?

que sara sara..
et cetera et cetera..

darkness will turn into light..
when light comes..
i'll be..
out of sight..

1 2 3 4 5

...once i caught a fish alive 6 7 8 9 10 then i let it go again "why did you let it go?" "because it bit me so!" "which part of you did it bite?" "this part of me deep inside."

first star i see tonight..

oh how i wish..how i might..

have the wish..
i wish tonight..

sorry.. if i intruded..

weird..

things shouldn't be so complicated..

blue monday..

unmotivated..

uninspired..
i think i'm falling into depression again..

has the world gone on without me?

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just want to say..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NERDY-O BRO!!

and i don't want the world to see me
cuz i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am..
- the goo goo dolls

i bet you look good on the dancefloor..

i can't believe it..i woke up at 2pm!! and there i was always teasing alex and jinx about their hours! anyway, i only got to sleep around 4am this morning..reason being yes, i finally relented and went mos with cheryl and gabriel..sad to say, it was not the experience i was expecting exactly..the place was way too crowded and the dance areas way too small..people were vibrating more than dancing! and the music, gosh, don't even get me started on the music..the funny thing was when cheryl's friend commented that she preferred smoove (the r&b room) to 54 (the retro room) because the music they played in 54 was always the same..i was quite tempted to tell her that r&b and hip-hop ain't much better..almost every single song has the same beat and most of their melodies (if and when there was a melody!) sounded the same anyway! the only thing which i missed out on was going to the main arena where mos' signature sound was created - the house music..oh well..though i did not really enjoy it that much, i would not say that it was a wasted trip..more of an eye opener i guess..the only time i went to the dancefloor to "vibrate" was when new order's "true faith" came on! now that is a cool song! so you want me to hit the dancefloor? easy..play some better music dj!

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got a new haircut on thursday..this is how i look like now..nice?

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more pictures from that (yes, your eyes are fine..it's "that" in italics! :P) time in sentosa..

i feel so extraordinary
something's got a hold on me
i get this feeling i'm in motion
a certain sense of liberty..
- new order

did you know..

that when you search "shifting through times" on google, my blog is the first link that comes up?


cool rite? :P

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found these on youtube..enjoy!


muse - can't take my eyes off you


jay chou - qian li zi wai (featuring fei yu qing)

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meeting cheryl and gab after work for dinner..cheryl jio-ing me to mos with her girl friends to "get to know more people"..tempted, but not really keen..should i?

i'm just a killer for your love..
- blur

i am just..

in a very bad mood..

think it's the waking up at 6.30am everyday..

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will people take those irritating tortoises off their damn msn nicks? if they want to pay tribute to steve irwin..just go on a bbq stingray diet 3 meals a day for the next 3 months until three quaters of the world stingray population are wiped out..that should teach those rays a lesson! and honestly, just between you and me..i doubt rays even have access to a computer much less msn to care about your tortoises! unless you're talking about raymond..but then raymond is a nice guy, he won't sting!

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my week ahead..

wed: singapore v china match at the national stadium with karen and my rsaf colleagues..

fri: dinner then chill out with cheryl and gabriel..

i am so going broke..

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news flash:

due to overdemand, jinxy's blog has closed down until further notice..certain insider sources say that she is looking into franchising her jinxified brand to expand operations and to have an even spread of the gossip; so that it does not appear that she eats alot! interested parties can call 1800-JINXIFY (5463493) (24hrs toll-free) for more information on franchising opportunities!

with you i feel the other half of my heartbeat
i'm complete..
- paris hilton

neighbourly love..

in response to jinxy's post here, here and here..i'd like to issue a public warning to anyone who wants to try this at home or in the hall or anywhere in singapore! don't anyhow "suka suka chin chin chai chai" lie naked on the floor ar..

1) if your neighbour have bionic eyes (or have bino) and happen to see you, he/ she can report you to the police! usually it's because they sacrifice their precious time, strain their eyes to watch you but before they "song", you put your clothes back on..make them dulan..so what do they do? report you for indecent exposure! no decency to expose long enough! or

2) if your neighbour have a camera, he/ she will take pictures or video tape you and distribute online and call it "Singapore Girl lying naked on the floor"..apparently, from past occurrences, such pictures/ clips are hotter property than playboy cover girls! nevermind that your neighbour will get caught by the police this time, you still must tio counselling! how can? i mean, how do you answer questions like "why were you lying naked on the floor? no money to buy clothes sibo? more 'liang' (cooling) sibo?"..hey! no one questioned natalie imbruglia when she sang it right?

so boys and girls, ignore this warning at your own risk..because whether you are torn, dick or hairy, your neighbour will be watching you! then you thought people so eng, volunteer to be in your neighbourhood watch patrol teams for what? play police and thief ar?!