resuming normal service

i realise i have been writing a lot but i haven't been writing much..i'm not exactly in perfect working order..but i'm not exactly that depressed anymore..people who come out with me or talk to me think that there is nothing wrong with me..still smiling, still making lame remarks, still talking rubbish..how wrong they are..i guess it comes with the impression i give others..my close friends will know that i am actually a very emotional person who is not afraid to express whatever i feel..and not just some happy-go-lucky, crap-talking, one-man-circus act that i know i sometimes can be..this is one of the rare occasions in life i suppose..that it feels like no one knows me..not even myself..mainly because i don't really know how to put all these emotions into words..my thoughts are like a million pieces jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces look the same..no i am not alright..but i am okay..

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today:

finally did some sports this morning..no thanks to my sunday footie being cancelled last week and this week as well! it's been quite a long time since i last played tennis..didn't have any momentum at all and my shots were so weak and wayward..it was a good workout though..at least i could let out some frustration on the court! supposed to attend a friend's house warming later, but looking at the weather, i think not..

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yesterday:

last day at the takashimaya office..we are moving to 79 anson road..no more lunch time walk along orchard road! hai..
i am so going to miss my little corner..

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the day before yesterday:

desperately needed company for dinner..i just couldn't take the strain anymore and i needed someone to talk to..thankfully aileen was free that evening..i basically poured out all my confusion to her on our taxi ride..it didn't solve anything but it sure felt a lot better..kenneth and chris then met us afterwards for dinner at bedok 85 but that is irrelevent..

leenie..thanks for being there when i needed someone..and no..you're not such a lousy advisor :)

as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
- oasis

"thank you"
to you who cared..
--,'-@

you won't see me cry..



look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow..

once upon a rainy monday morning..

i have been feeling really down these days..just sudden bursts of depression..over what? over i don't know..there is no real certainty for me to pinpoint why this is even happening..but whilst i'm at it, i'd like to get some things off my chest..

i'm sorry ah gong..i'm sorry i wasn't there for you during your final days..you have always taken care of me the best you knew..and yet in your last hours and days after you've passed, i wasn't there for you..i'm feel so ungrateful..i hope heaven has a translator so that you will know what i'm saying..i love you..

i'm sorry kare-bear..i'm sorry things turned out the way they have..i know you will say it wasn't really anyone's fault..but i could have been more understanding and less demanding..funny how it was only afterwards that we began spending more constructive time together and how i started going to church regularly..i guess one can say that everything that have happened since february are like little blessings in disguise..it feels weird sometimes..like we haven't really broken out of our little routines with each other..but i'm really really glad and blessed at the same time that we've found someone else within each other..

i'm sorry ms ning..i'm sorry that you feel that way about me..no matter what i hope that you're happier..

i'm sorry jinxy..i'm sorry that i do not have enough love, energy or courage at this moment..thank you for taking time out to care though..i really appreciate that..

lastly, sorry to anyone else i've not treated well enough or have neglected..i am too emotional, too weak and too not-myself anymore..sad songs get me really down..over what? over i don't know..and if you see me, don't ask me why? like i've said before, i have nothing to say..

so good morning to you..and good night to the world..sweet dreams..

lots of love,
hugs,
and kisses,
addy

i just need a hug..

wonder

sometimes, i wonder..too..

a penny for your thoughts..

"just a penny?" i ask..

yeah..actions speak louder than words..words speak louder than a mumble..a mumble is louder than your thoughts..and as we can't do much with your thoughts unless we decipher them which is an extremely tedious process..we are just paying out a penny for each..

"hmm.."

you can try selling them to cash converters and see if they pay more..

"deal! a penny it is then!

don't let them make you feel small
with their hands like guns at your head
they'll claw but they'll never win
if you let wonder in..
- embrace