a righteous return

after much consideration, i have decided to return to manpower..this, despite my initial skepticism and a hope that something with singtel may work out (oh yeah, i finally made contact with their hr department after like over 50 resumes of trying! and yes it actually exists! was quite tempted to plant a flag in their office when i was there for my interview!). i know all this may just turn out to be a political ploy and that i am just a missing piece on the chessboard..but my conscience is clear and i trust God to do the right thing for me.

my initial worries stemmed from a concern that my return will definitely spell the end for another person and from an arrogance that i was better than her. then i realised that i was wrong on both counts. firstly, my return has nothing to do with this other person and my being there does not mean for sure that she is doomed; if she is good and wishes to stay, no one can make her leave. secondly, i do not know her well enough to judge if i am indeed better; everything i have heard about her is from others.

now regarding my return, some people may say this is a will of God and others may ask, how do you know? well, this i say to you, "God will always provide..He provides options when we need them and He provides answers when we ask." God shows the way but the choice is always ultimately our own.

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
- Psalm 23:1-3

third time lucky?

there is this chinese saying that goes "a good horse does not eat the grass behind it". two times this year i've suffered setbacks based on this saying. now a third time has come calling...

should i tempt fate one more time?

my blessed life

it's funny that despite my second successive failed career move this year i feel so very at ease this time round as compared to the previous failure at react pte ltd. while i was depressed and confused when i left react, there is this feeling that all things are in control this time. praise God. and as if to reassure me that He is indeed watching over me, i received three phone calls for job opportunities on my very last day at emc; two of which were uninitiated by me (i.e. i did not apply for those positions). now even if all three calls turn out to be nothing more, i know that God is still there for me and it is only right that i keep faith in Him just as He is keeping faith in me.

i have always led a blessed and relatively smooth sailing life..but i have not always been appreciative of the things - big and small - that i have been blessed with; a loving and supportive family, great friends, a healthy body, a sensitive nature, a glib tongue among others. that is not even mentioning the various life threatening instances which i have encountered and came away unscathed. thank God as well for jana, without whom, i'd probably be still wandering aimlessly in life - mentally, emotionally and spiritually. what is amazing is all this started out with the simple intention to support jana spiritually (which was not as simple a step as it sounds!). recently, jana and i have started praying together and i can feel His hand working in our lives and our relationship all the time - making us stronger as individuals and as a couple and guiding us along. praise God. i know for sure, there will be obstacles up ahead which will put my faith to the test but just as sure, i know He will always reach out for me and welcome me back.

God works in ways which we can never comprehend but each and every one of His work is intended and a miracle in itself - no matter how small or ordinary. this is my testimony. praise God indeed. for indeed, i have been blessed.

don't believe the truth

this was the title of oasis' sixth studio album..back then, i thought it was one of the most confusing and crappy titles ever..i mean, if it was the truth, then what is there not to believe? then just yesterday, while i was having dinner with jana, the thought hit me..it actually makes sense!

(actually, "the thought" does not have anything to do with me having dinner with jana.."the thought" came because i was thinking..which does not mean i was not paying attention to her because it came to me while she went to buy her dinner..and then it disappeared because she came back with her dinner..and all my attention went to her because you know, i don't want to waste moments with her, thinking other thoughts..then i had trouble remembering "the thought" until now. hope that clarifies things for you. anyway, as i was saying...)

don't believe the truth..i don't know if oasis meant it this way but what "the thought" said to me was when you look beyond the surface meaning - which is basically about being ignorant or in denial - what you'd find is "a lie". put it this way, what is "a truth"? it has been defined as "a fact that has been verified" or "accuracy: the quality of being near to the true value" or "conformity to reality or actuality". from the definitions, we can see that "a truth" is subjective. it is a fact that STILL needs to be verified..verified by who or what and based on what? it is a quality of being near to the true value..who or what determines this "true value"? it is conformity to reality or actuality..whose definition of reality?

now "the thought" says, what "a truth" really is, is a belief that "something is not a lie" or "something to believe in"..so now when you look at the phrase again, it simply means, don't accept truths at face value. sales people always tell you "the truth" about their products but after you have bought their items, there are always other "truths" behind "the truth"...

ultimately, we all have our own perceptions of whether certain things which are true or not..these perceptions are formed by our thoughts, morals, beliefs, religion or experiences, things which are mostly unique to us; what may be true for me, may not necessarily apply to you..i'd like to end with another album title, "this is my truth tell me yours" (by the manic street preachers..a quite brilliant album really!).."true" indeed..

grace

was just wondering today how do people say grace before meals..i mean i've always seen eric and dear do it..but i've never actually asked what was spoken or prayed during grace..until today..

addy: hey so what do you actually say when you say grace?
eric: i thank God for the food He has put on the table and for His providence
addy: wah..you say so much in such a short time ar?
eric: say it in your heart la!

i can just imagine his "diao" look as he said that last part! hahaha..oh and while most of the conversation has been reproduced (as accurately as i can), he did actually use the word "providence" (with my limited vocab, how to make up such a cheem word right?)..which made my next question even more valid..afterall saying "providence" itself is already 2 seconds leh! but his response made sense i think! :)

i know some will be surprised at my sudden spirituality..but it has not been sudden at all (if you know me well enough)..i have always believed in God and was always waiting for the right time or person to lead me back to His house. it is so funny and amazing then that the person who brought me back into the house of God was the same one i was sharing the various moments in my life that i have been touched by the hand of God with..on the day we were touched by God's grace - 13th June 2008. in my darkest hour, He shone his light and blessed me with the best gift i can ever be given..and for that, He has shown that He does not forsake His children..and for that, i give Him praise and thanks..because he persevered in me even when i waivered..because he sent you so that i may see. thank you dear. thank you God.

so we will run altogether with hearts aflame
with a fire that can’t be tamed
our God all glory to Your name, Jesus