Every first monday of the month, i go back to my changi workplace to attend "Safety Day"..Sounds lame? Well, it is! Then again, working for the past 5 years in here, nothing can be that lame anymore..Anyway, on "Safety Day", we are supposed to stop all work, talk safety, discuss where other people went wrong and basically do nothing..Majority of the time is spent on the last mentioned programme! But my point is not to discuss "Safety Day" with you, not that there is a lot to talk about even..Being back at changi reminds me of all the times i've spent working there for the past few years..All the familiar faces, people whom i got along with so well..I feel begrudged sometimes for being posted to somewhere i never wanted to go..Somewhere where the air is different (whatever little air there is in that god-forsaken place!), where the people don't connect on the same wavelength (not that they are bad and all, just feel an invisible barrier..) and where i feel strangled of my freedom and life..Everyday i come back home and i ask myself "What have i done today?"..Nothing registers to mind mainly because that's what i have done that day, everyday since i've been posted there! You can say, "Bring your books to read" or "Study a bit" or "Write your poems"..and i will tell you "Take it from me, in such an environment..it is not very possible!" Just imagine you're stuck in a big classroom with 10 people, all the windows and doors are closed, there's no sunlight, the only light is coming from a few dim dirty orangey fluorescent tubes and the aircon smells of reminisces of poor ventilation of past years..Now imagine you being in there for 1 hour, much less a day and you'll understand a little how i've felt the past few months..And that is why, in a way, i look forward to every "Safety Day", that time of month for a little release from my cell..
I still feel resentful that it's me who made the trip to hell so to speak..but when i think again..Sometimes, rather me than people whom i appreciate as colleagues and friends..Maybe no one will ever see it as a sacrifice or a friendly gesture..Afterall, it was kind of forced onto me, but seeing things this way makes me feel better somehow..I go through this shit everyday just so that none of my other friends have to go through this on their own..Nowadays, i go to work and get into my zombie-mode..yes yes yes nod nod nod..It passes better this way, not knowing what i've been through that day..Wasting my life you say? All i can say in my defense is it's better not knowing you're wasting time which you cannot really improve on..than to know that you're been doing nothing productive during that time and feel guilty afterwards..
So if i ever complain to you that i feel pissed off and depressed in that place..just remind me gently "You did it for your friends Adrian, you did it for the people you love.."
... ...addy is currently obsessed with the new Band Aid 20 song "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (featuring Bono, Chris Martin, Robbie Williams, Dido, Joss Stone, Busted, Sugababes, Feeder, Snow Patrol, Fran Healy (from Travis), Justin Hawkes (from The Darkness), Will Young, The Thrills and many more!) - Please buy the original CD single ($10 at gramaphone or hmv) and feed the children of Africa! More info on the artists and the mission of Band Aid on the website..
No comments:
Post a Comment