Shifting Through Times..

shifting through boxes
looking through the past
relationships that didn't make it
friendships that did not last..

Was in a thinking mood the past few days..and some things which i usually neglect came around..

I realise..

familiar names
but so many lost along the way
letters, christmas cards
they once remembered my birthday..

1. contrary to what most people believe, i don't have many friends..most of them i would prefer to call acquaintances. I know, it sounds bad but it's true..how many of my "friends" actually call up or write or send me a greeting card or at least even try to find out how i'm doing? or for that matter, how many actually remember my existence? and by existence i do not mean me receiving a conveniently forwarded email which probaby most people around the world will receive as well!! i know i've been guilty of neglecting my friends as well..but well, it just makes this an even sadder case..

2. i'm no longer that love-struck sentimental romantic anymore..or maybe i'm just tired..valentine's day is just around the corner..and i'm still struggling to find the enthusiasm that i once had that made me travel from tampines to choa chu kang with a rose in hand just to make sure a friend isn't alone on valentine's day..

3. it's about time to throw away the old adrian and look forward..or maybe it's this new one that's causing problems. i don't know..instead of nice decent quick humour..i'm picking at people's bad points and magnifying them - in front of others - at the expense of them feeling bad.. and the biggest problem is, i seem to overstep the line between humour and snide remarks rather frequently. i just realised this when my gf started shooting me those crap remarks as well..it hurts, and i've got to learn to stop hurting people..

but that's just life
bits and pieces we're left with
and if we retaliate
we lose our belief..

4. lastly, i realised that i cannot change life with just a snap and a wink..i cannot just sleep on it and wake up a whole new person the next day..i cannot just throw away all my cds and start all over again! anyway, my point is, change is not impossible, but it will only come if i am willing to accept my faults..and i am determined enough to change for the better..i can still remember i once had this habit; any girl who was out with me on valentine's day will get a rose, even if she was just a friend..and i also had another weird habit of contacting all the names on my telephone list at least once every few months to check on how they are doing.. but all that is past, i can make it happen again in the present if i want to..but for the moment, i'll just be shifting through times and shifting through my heart for something special to make myself a better person..