MesSy MeSSy!

just skipped class..again!

feeling bitter..not better..

feeling confused..weird..

feeling agitated..frustrated..

i'm too emotional..sentimental?

maybe i'm just hungry..haven't ate..

and when a person is hungry..he can't think straight..

gosh!

What is Love?

Reminds me of that song by Halloway What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... But really, what is love? Sometimes i really have no idea.. Some say love is when you think of someone all the time.. Now frankly speaking, who in their right minds think of their partners 24/7?! I mean, thinking of your partner when you wake up? ok..thinking of your partner as you start the day? ok..having breakfast with your partner? ok..thinking of your partner as you go to digest your breakfast? what the?! thinking of your partner so much that when your boss flares up at you, you tell him "thank you love..i really appreciate it"??!

But seriously now, how often do we think of our loved ones? Honestly, i only REALLY think about them when something goes wrong or something bad happens (touchwood) but all the time? often? We all seem too caught up in this rat race nowadays that when we go to sleep, instead of sms-ing our partners "good night", with the thought of them in mind, we sms them thinking that once the sms has been sent, we can get down to our studies or work or play.. And don't tell me that's not true cuz i'm sure it has happened to the best of us before! So most of the time we end up doing things just for the sake of doing it..

Example :
AD : Why do you go to all that trouble for your girlfriend?
Boy : Just do lor..if not she nag me then my ear drum spoil! I mean, she my girlfriend leh, should do also right? But frankly ar, why she want roses i also don't understand..1 dozen somemore! Make rose syrup better right? Can make so many jugs, can drink, add milk can become bandung somemore!
AD : -dumbfounded-

Ok..so maybe that was just an exaggeration..but it's so true nowadays that most of us just do things blindly, because either we HAVE TO or it's only RIGHT we SHOULD do it.. Then again, our society here promotes such habits.. So many workplaces and schools are like that..

Example :
Boss : Please speak up for the gooooooooood of the company so that we may improove our standards.. remember, everyone of you is unique and your ideas will be much appreciated.. -twitches moustache for effect-
Tom : I would like to suggest blah blah..
Boss : Yeah..but i feel that that has already been rectified by the blah blah blah..
Joan : Boss, I feel that the workers..
Boss : But if the management allow the workers to blah blah blah..THANKS for your suggestion anyway joan.. it is MUCH appreciated!

Sad to say, this is how most companies and schools in singapore function.. it may seem funny but it's damn true.. we always need to improve but other people's ideas always seem poorer than your own.. How else do you explain all the smart replies the Boss in the example had for his supposedly unique employees! As such, we usually just sit like we have been muted during such sessions and the boss or the head will be bladdy happy that everything is alright..

And so, we end up as puppets..puppets to our bosses, our loved ones and even to ourselves.. So where does love come in?

University Student : After i'm done with this assignment..i promise..
Technician : When i'm done with this job..
Boss : When i'm back from the US..
Primary School Student : After i finish this game ok? Nearly the last stage already..

Sadly, as in the words of one of my favourite singers, love won't wait.. not all the time..

Cure for?

Just took a panadol..feeling feverish..i know i should get myself to a doctor pronto what with the SARS thing going around but..i'll wait..Wait for? Wait to see if my condition improves and wait for the clinic to open! Doesn't mean that i have to get paranoid, go downstairs and knock down my doctor's front door just because my temperature was a little high..Singapore's weather isn't exactly cooling!

Anyway, the SARS thing seems to be spreading rather fast and no one seems to know how it gets around..first, some specialist said that the disease is not airborne, now they say that it may be air-borne! So who do we believe when the people who are supposed to be the experts contradict themselves? And the symptoms..fever above 38 degrees celsius and/or cough, breathlessness.. Aren't these the symptoms of a normal flu? I mean, if my temperature was below 38, i wouldn't even be seeing a doctor in the first place! So are they implying that whoever runs a fever has SARS? I really have no clue..and i don't think i'm alone in that aspect..What about all that mask wearing thing? False sense of security? Maybe..and who's to say those fanatic air-purifier buyers are wrong when the experts themselves aren't sure!

Times are uncertain these days..Medical experts and politicians all flapping their loose gums all day long on TV! Bush doesn't have his son out in Iraq (hey i can mouth out all that crap about being heroes dying for a good cause too!) and those World Health Oorganisation big shots probably can afford more health care than we do! All those empty promises and "we're trying..blah blah blah" and "it MAY..blah blah blah"! What we want is simple..we want a cure, we want answers we can understand..Saddam is evil? Go find him! Why invade a country and then give all sorts of speeches and excuses no one will believe but no one can do a thing about! SARS is fast spreading? Tell us how do we differentiate SARS from the normal flu! SARS can be fatal and the flu isn't? Come on! Why tell us we should stay away from crowded places when no one knows exactly how it gets around? Why close schools when adults seem more prone to the bug?

So many questions and so many answers..but every answer just bring forth further questions..so tell me now, where is the cure? Probably a shrug away..

Wo Ai Mo Shen Ren


Just got home from my Holter..the doctor who helped me put on all the wires was really friendly..we had a nice chat while she taped all the wires on..Sure it was all very general like "What are you doing now?" and "Do you have to go back to work later?" but the manner in which it was carried out was very pleasant..nice! =)

Since my days working at Sembawang Music Centre and Music Junction, I always seem to have really good conversations with strangers..which is funny..since i really lack knowledge in general affairs, have no particular interest in clubbing or pubbing or anything cool..Then again, maybe that's why i get along well with strangers..cuz we start at ground zero! After we get past zero, we probably will have nothing else to talk about!

Maybe that's why we always seem to admire and lust for the people we see out on the streets..because we all start on a new sheet of paper and their good looks or their glib tongues hide away all the flaws which we have yet to uncover.. But then, we don't really care during those moments do we? We usually just oogle and stare and think non-stop about them until their faces or voices fade away from our heads.. Well, till then, let us all enjoy their company.. Until we meet our next stranger..

Getting Comfy

War has started in Iraq and one thing really bothers me..lots of Singaporeans remain ignorant to the situation..One moron on TV actually said he was more worried about his stocks and shares!! And i'm pretty certain he is not alone, i'll pretty sure that lots of students are more concerned about their grades..afterall, what happens in Iraq will never happen here right? Well, i guess that's what Americans would have told you before that fateful September 11 as well..

Sometimes i wonder if we are all too comfortable in our lives.. the danger when we are in this comfort mode is, we never ever seem to snap out of it..we always know we have to change, we always know we have to improve, we always seem to know what to do but we almost always end up not moving a muscle.. I know my life is filled with lots of comfort zones i wish to get out of - i need to improve my attitude towards my work, i need to focus more on my part time degree (no use having a degree but with average grades all over!), i need to sort out my feelings in my love life, i need to do a lot of things but needing is not enough, i also need the will to..

Then again, a need is something we require to survive and a want is something we aquire to pamper ourselves with.. I was on the bus the other night and this ran through my head.. I realised that sometimes, "want"s are as important as "need"s.. Just like we wish to be loved by someone who wants to love us..not just because he/she needs to! Life is realy one big contradiction and sometimes we really need to sort out what we want! Comfort zones are always nice but life moves on, life improves..and if we get stuck in our little world too long, we will still be our comfort zones no doubt, but we will also be stuck in the past tense..

Just a few random thoughts from a messed up mind..