Something out of nothing

Wrote this yesterday morning..Kind of came out after blogging about it the previous day, which explains some of the familiar lines..

now here is my life, here is my pain
passing my days without sun nor rain
ticking clock, tick, ten seconds later tock
my mind seems dead, maybe just clogged
the dirty orangey fluorescent lights
a faint glow in this neverending night
i fight, i retaliate, i cannot lose
even if i lose my pride, and get bruised
this battle i will not give up, just push on
victory is in sight now, i'll hold on
to whatever little i have, i'll keep safe
to whatever heart there is left, i'll be brave
i take a breath, air ventilated with mold
reminisces of years circulating within this hell hole
not long now, i close my eyes and count to ten
the end is near, i can feel it in my hands
not long now, soon i'll be free
of these god forsaken chains, to be who i need to be

addy 07 dec 2004

To keep up with my current ORD mood, i did up a a whole's schedule pinpointing the public holidays, my exam dates, potential off days and i've come to the conclusion that, it's still a bladdy long way to go! Oh gosh..another thing i did which i wished i didn't do so afterwards! Oh well, no need for regrets..It does feel nice to see the bright yellow highlighted words flashing out at the end of the year "ORD" though!

On a personal note, in response to a blog i just read..I would like to say that you do not need to be a Christian to believe in the magic of Christmas..Just as you do not need to be Chinese to celebrate Chinese New Year or a Singaporean to celebrate National Day..Bear in mind this, as long as there are people who believe, there's a spirit that we all can share in..And the magic of Christmas is, it's recognised as a time for giving and sharing..Life need not always be lived logically..If you apply logic to everything, then you are in for a long miserable experience in life..As for the commercial value of Christmas, it is the same as saying that there's no point in Christmas just because you're not a Christian..It's all superficial..Just remember, it may not make your own day and you may not believe in it..But if you can make someone else's day better by wishing them "Merry Christmas", will you keep happiness to yourself just because of your pride and your disbelief? As a parting note, think about it this way, take a day important to yourself, for example your birthday or an important graduation, others may not find that same day as important as you do..But wouldn't it be nice if someone dropped an sms or give you a phone call to send you his or her regards? My point is..Don't always make a difference to yourself, make a difference in your friends' lives so that they will in turn make a difference in yours!

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... ...addy is currently obsessed with the new Band Aid 20 song "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (featuring Bono, Chris Martin, Robbie Williams, Dido, Joss Stone, Busted, Sugababes, Feeder, Snow Patrol, Fran Healy (from Travis), Justin Hawkes (from The Darkness), Will Young, The Thrills and many more!) - Please buy the original CD single ($10 at gramaphone or hmv) and feed the children of Africa! More info on the artists and the mission of Band Aid on the website..

A little moral fibre for dinner anyone?

Every first monday of the month, i go back to my changi workplace to attend "Safety Day"..Sounds lame? Well, it is! Then again, working for the past 5 years in here, nothing can be that lame anymore..Anyway, on "Safety Day", we are supposed to stop all work, talk safety, discuss where other people went wrong and basically do nothing..Majority of the time is spent on the last mentioned programme! But my point is not to discuss "Safety Day" with you, not that there is a lot to talk about even..Being back at changi reminds me of all the times i've spent working there for the past few years..All the familiar faces, people whom i got along with so well..I feel begrudged sometimes for being posted to somewhere i never wanted to go..Somewhere where the air is different (whatever little air there is in that god-forsaken place!), where the people don't connect on the same wavelength (not that they are bad and all, just feel an invisible barrier..) and where i feel strangled of my freedom and life..Everyday i come back home and i ask myself "What have i done today?"..Nothing registers to mind mainly because that's what i have done that day, everyday since i've been posted there! You can say, "Bring your books to read" or "Study a bit" or "Write your poems"..and i will tell you "Take it from me, in such an environment..it is not very possible!" Just imagine you're stuck in a big classroom with 10 people, all the windows and doors are closed, there's no sunlight, the only light is coming from a few dim dirty orangey fluorescent tubes and the aircon smells of reminisces of poor ventilation of past years..Now imagine you being in there for 1 hour, much less a day and you'll understand a little how i've felt the past few months..And that is why, in a way, i look forward to every "Safety Day", that time of month for a little release from my cell..

I still feel resentful that it's me who made the trip to hell so to speak..but when i think again..Sometimes, rather me than people whom i appreciate as colleagues and friends..Maybe no one will ever see it as a sacrifice or a friendly gesture..Afterall, it was kind of forced onto me, but seeing things this way makes me feel better somehow..I go through this shit everyday just so that none of my other friends have to go through this on their own..Nowadays, i go to work and get into my zombie-mode..yes yes yes nod nod nod..It passes better this way, not knowing what i've been through that day..Wasting my life you say? All i can say in my defense is it's better not knowing you're wasting time which you cannot really improve on..than to know that you're been doing nothing productive during that time and feel guilty afterwards..

So if i ever complain to you that i feel pissed off and depressed in that place..just remind me gently "You did it for your friends Adrian, you did it for the people you love.."

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... ...addy is currently obsessed with the new Band Aid 20 song "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (featuring Bono, Chris Martin, Robbie Williams, Dido, Joss Stone, Busted, Sugababes, Feeder, Snow Patrol, Fran Healy (from Travis), Justin Hawkes (from The Darkness), Will Young, The Thrills and many more!) - Please buy the original CD single ($10 at gramaphone or hmv) and feed the children of Africa! More info on the artists and the mission of Band Aid on the website..

Simply Incredible

I hope i didn't give away anything with such a title..but it's pretty obvious isn't it? Urm..right? Gosh..you ARE really slow today aren't you? =P

Anyway, went to watch The Incredibles with alex and my brother last night (just like the good old times eh?)..As the show at suntec was fully booked, we went over to beach road to catch the show..What a different just one stretch of road makes i must say! Suntec fully booked and there we were, having the whole theatre to choose our three seats from at beach road! Dined at Creation (my friend highly recommends it!) - an italian cafe -, for $13.90, we got a main course, soup, drink and dessert (which was a brownie with an ice-cream on top)..My brother who was at first skeptical about spending so much money at the beginning was totally satisfied as well as full by the end of the meal..So if you guys are into italian cuisine, forget Pasta Fresca, go to Creation at Shaw Towers at beach road! It's in between burger king and the food court.

Back to the show, the incredibles are a family of super heroes who..what's that you say? You know that part already? Oh..yes..right..Well, since you guys pretty much know the storyline already, i'll just say that i thoroughly enjoyed the show..Besides all the usual good versus evil plot, all the characters are thoroughly enjoyable to watch..From mr incredible to his family to his superhero fashion designer friend, edna mode to the nameless old lady who wanted to make an insurance claim! Definitely a show for all ages..and plus, there's no unnecessary distraction of a crappy love storyline like in "Shark Tale"..Overall, i'd give it 4.5 out of 5 for it's superb animation, consistent storyline and it's feelgood factor..Go catch it!

Today morning, my flight had a cohesion day at sentosa..We had an impromptu beach football session, volleyball, captain's ball and kite making..Wah, haven't felt so relaxed in a long while..Plus my team won the volleyball contest which was pretty cool in itself though the competition was crap! =P It was a good workout and the weather was terrific to us..Had a great time viewing all the bikini babes and of course the scenery! A little disappointed at the lack of sun though..but no complains..Can't wait to go back again! Invitations anyone?

W-Blog

After surfing through a few friends' blogs, i realise that nowadays blogs are becoming more and more sophisticated..Why sophisticated? While blogs are (or were) meant to be some sort of online journal or diary, most of them have totally lost their purpose..Gone are the commentaries and the recollection of events that happened in that day or week..In comes all the whiiiiiiiniing! Oh my goodness, is life that bad that nearly every post in a single blog is a complaint? Or do we never know when is enough? And if the whining and complaining is not enough, blogs have suddenly become bomb sites and wish-lists! "i think she's a bitch", "i think he sucks", "i want this..i want that", "I just bought this..I just bought that" and then after that it's back to your regular dosage of "How life has treated me worse than it has treated all of you!" What happened to thoughts, emotions and feelings? Or philosophies or analysis? Or have blogs just become the new age aunt agony-cum-dart board-cum-santa claus? If my blog ever EVER become as insightful as a centerfold advertisement..please please please..give me a slap cuz i probably dozed off and my life wasn't much fun in my dreams..

a rush of blood to the head

i attended this time management class today..at first with skepticism but at the end of the class, i was quite nourished by what i had heard..besides time management, tina macdowell, the lecturer gave us an insight into career-paths and financial investments..because of the class, i'm now quite determined to attempt to plot out a possible career path instead of sitting around and waiting for next year! oh by the way, tina is not a eurasian..on the contrary, she's a chinese married to a canadian and whose english was peppered with grammatical errors! but it was a brilliant class nonetheless!

speaking of the class, i blushed again in front of an audience! argh! what's up with that! i turn bright red too easily..when i bought a g-string for karen (yes i did that!), i blushed when asking the salesgirl about the sizes..when i met a friend outside with the ling, i blushed..then today, when tina posed an interview question, i blushed when the class all stopped and stared! i am not exactly fair but yet people can tell when i turn red and that is not good..is it? must be too much blood in my system, maybe i should start donating some..hmm..