Farewell

numb me from all emotion
and set me free
if this is your solution
then i hope you are happy...

not like me

who is that in the mirror i see?
it feels like i am not like me...

i am so distracted these days..
by what?
by nothing...
just distracted..by nothing..
isn't that so amazing?
i think so too...

it feels so right to feel so wronged...

taking a breath to keep breathing...

friday, 1 june 2007

pirates of the caribbean: at world's end
@ eng wah suntec with chris

it was a last minute decision to catch this and it seemed like we weren't meant to watch it..all the cinemas we checked were mostly fully booked (and i refused to sit anywhere nearer than 6 rows to the screen!)..our last resort was the cinema at suntec city and we had almost the whole cinema to choose our seats from! crazy..

for all its hype, the show was a big letdown..too long, too complicated and too boring..sure it had its lighter moments but those few seconds cannot save this two and half hours of blockbuster from being a blocked-busted..i still want to take johnny depp home though! :P

sorry elise, i pang seh-ed you..but i saved you money hor! :D

saturday, 2 june 2007

shrek 3
@ gv marina with karen

after a bad night with pirates, it was lucky that shrek 3 was much much better..given that it has not much of a storyline (it is a cartoon afterall!) and lots of funny moments were recycled (from previous shrek movies), its cute factor alone was enough to make this a really enjoyable show! nice! :)

sunday-tuesday, 3-5 june 2007
..two day conference in kuala lumpur

..wanted to do so much more
..too little time
..at least it was fun and..

..i finally satisfied my urge for dunkin' donuts! damn shuang..
even brought some back for elise and su! :)

---

"not like me"

who is that in the mirror i see?
it feels like i am not like me
a reflection i refuse to acknowledge
a smile that locks me up, like a cage
my tears, they just will not flow
my heart, it just will not glow
a fire, that has been long smothered
my laughter, it is a cold blooded traitor
happy, worriless and carefree
innocent and content, seemingly
cracks deepen beneath the surface
faith that cannot be easily replaced
time will heal, all in good time
how long more before i run out of time?
how long more before i lose sight?
how long more can i sustain this fight?
it feels so right to feel so wronged
in the meantime, the clock ticks on...

addy (07 june 2007)

stumbling into...

heart don't lead me on..
head don't let me down..
stay on my side..
even as i start to fall..
too deep...



and when i see you then i know it will be next to me
and when i need you then i know you will be there with me
i'll never leave you..

just need to get
closer, closer
lean on me now
lean on me now...
- travis

oh no..here we go again..

scared-ed

why is it this way, that i get so afraid?
frightened of the possibilities that may lay ahead
when it seems like i have found someone who will set me free
i struggle to release myself from this uncertainty
what is she up to? how does she really feel?
what should i do to make this feeling real?
what can i do to win her over?
when should i give up and run for cover?
why all these doubts? what's holding me back?
is it me or is it something she lacks?
i don't know i don't know
i really really don't know la!
haiyoh!

---

addy's quote of the day:

"geraldine's sweeping (badminton) backhand"

friend or foe?

who are you
my friend or foe?
carefully chosen words
but has the truth been told?
is there a knife
hidden behind your back?
should i stop
and anticipate an attack?
or should i take a breath
pause and hold
patiently wait
for things to unfold
when the mask come off
and in time, reveal
your true colours
the real you
but who should i expect
a friend or foe?
what should i hope?
i don't really know...

addy (12 april 2007)

way back into love

i dreamt..and it scared me awake..
the more i think about it, the more it bothers me..
it is not you..you are fine..
it is me..i am confused..
just something i have to overcome..
the irony...
i said i wasn't gonna lose my head
but then
pop! goes my heart
i wasn't gonna fall in love again
but then
pop! goes my heart
and i just can't let you go
i can't lose this feeling...
i don't know what i am talking about anymore...

can i dance with you?
and if i can't, can i just stand by your side?
while you swayed, i can shake a little
if i can't, i will just vibrate on the spot
until the night is over
and the music stops

can i talk to you?
and if i can't, can i just listen to you?
while you whined, i can bear with it a little
if i can't, i will just pretend i could
until the night is over
and you get tired

can i make you laugh at my lousy jokes?
can i make you smile at my silliness?
can i make you happy just by being around?
but if i can't do all that, then can i wait?
until the night is over
and the dream ends

addy (20 march 2007)

---

something-irrelevent-which-i-had-wanted-to-say-sooner-but-which-kept-slipping-my-mind-until-now...
chris and elise do actually look nice togetherthere, much better!

of flushes and sudden rushes..

i feel a royal flush (royal flush as opposed to a toilet flush) of emotion every time i see a loving couple..it just brings back memories and reminds me what i have been missing the last few months..but ginny is right..i should quit all these useless emotions and move forward..maybe instead of arranging all my feelings in a royal flush i should just flush them down the toilet bowl!

"teach me to lose you"

teach me to lose you, show me how to let go
i suppress it, but my heart won't follow
beating to its own rhythm, clinging to you
ticking onwards even if time stood still
for us, but you're with another guy
and i? i'm just a passerby
in your relationship, i'm nobody
someone who stumbled into you accidentally
by chance, by coincidence or by fate
by luck, by then it's already too late
teach me to lose you, ask me leave
tell me i'm after something i'll never receive
turn your back on me, say it's not worth it
but how can i let go when i'm not ready to quit?
how can i leave when i'm not ready to go?
how can i give up when you won't say no?
teach me to lose you, force me to see
but this foolish heart of mine won't quit easy

addy (20 march 2006)

---

other random thoughts...

1) marie triggers me to say the silliest and lamest things..things i would not be caught dead saying normally. okay well that can't totally be true since my colleagues have apparently put me down for the next big suan-ster award after just less than two months at work..but you know how people are la..you say something silly and they overreact with sillier things! :P (that award does not really exist by the way! seriously la!)

2) if you are really bored, bimbotised and in desperate need of a destresser (must be desperate k!), you can join marie dressing up cristiano ronaldo (or any of your favourite stars) in barbie clothes at stardolls!

3) been flu-ey the whole of last week..i mean, i could have called in sick and stayed home but how can! one mc will set me back nearly a hundred buckeroos a day! blame it on the fact that i did not fall sick enough for my brain to mulfunction sufficiently to override the images of 100 dollar bills in my head (with wings no less!)

4) two dinners two dates two days..
friday with jess at su korean cuisine at far east plaza..we ordered the set meal for two and they served us a set meal for four! no the order did not come wrongly..it was that much food! the service was prompt but it took us two hours to finish the food (okay, well one hour was spent talking and laughing..maybe a little more than that! you get the drift!) anyway, both jess and i agreed that the chicken was really nice! it was a little on the expensive side but alright once in a while i suppose! :)
saturday with elise at kaki bukit 511 food centre..just to explain a little about the food centre..it is not actually located in kaki bukit, it is in bedok north..and it is not part of the aljunied or east coast grcs, it belongs to marine parade grc..apparently certain maps require updating! right, now back to dinner..fried rice (which i keep spelling as "friend rice" as i am typing this blog!), kuay chup, bbq sting ray (not very nice), sugar cane juice, sugar cane juice with lemon and talk a lot! there's a story behind the fried rice actually..elise told me that she had a craving for it..but when we reached the place, she started thinking of what to eat..and so being nice (as always), i reminded her of her craving and why she should fulfill it and not torture herself by letting the craving linger on in the depths of her mind! if not cannot study and cannot sleep how? right? so..must always fulfill your craving! :P

5) lastly for the girls..if you are into fashion and you're bored with what you find in shops, do check out la piccola donna! good variety at excellent prices! just two things to note..don't piss off the owner (or you will end up on the "hall of shame" - right on top of the website somemore!)..and don't ask who is the model! :P spread the love and happy shopping!

---

totally in love with these two songs...


Wu Yue Tian (Mayday) - Tian Shi (Angel)


Liang Yong Qi (Gigi Leung) - Ge Zi Ji De Qing Ge

pieces of a dream

"pieces of a dream"

pieces of a dream
fragments of whatever remains
fuzzy like bad reception
blurred by a certain distain
for you
and all your empty promises
retracted
by your so-called righteousness
but you can save your tears
save your time
thinking up perfect excuses
and painting me white lies
don't say you're sorry
that i will get over it easily
don't make it such a crying shame
it makes me sound petty
you and i
it's no longer the same
pieces of a dream
none of it remains

addy (05 march 2007)

singles of the world unite

the day is almost over
i'll be in bed early, so it will pass faster
rather nightmares than sob this night away
so thanks, but no thanks to you, valentine's day...
- addy (14 february 2007)

what did i expect? that it would be easy?
but then, this was what i asked for wasn't it?

life is full of irony...

singles of the world unite
let's not go silently into the night
they can take our hearts but not our pride
we will not go down without a fight!
- addy (14 february 2007)

enchanted by the "other" potter

another week has passed and work has progressed..from focusing on just a single project, more responsibilities are being passed onto me..i am not stressed out, just a little disoriented at times..but i get by..still! my manager, ginny and i had a slight disagreement on friday..she said sorry to me afterwards but i felt that it was my fault for overreacting..i am like that, just emotional about things. but we are alright now. she is like me, expressive and temperamental..it is nice to work under someone who shows her appreciation of your work upfront..though you'd be sure to know of her frustrations as well!

next week will be a special week for many; valentine's day and then chinese new year..but somehow it feels just like another week coming. valentine's day is just another 9-to-5 (8.30am - 7pm more like it!) working wednesday..and chinese new year? it used to be when i had this reason to bring all my friends under one roof and for my mum to show off her cooking..maybe not this year..i don't know..

"14th of february"

all the times you showed your care
you kept your promise and you were there
by my side in times of need
to comfort me to pull me through to succeed
come 14th of february we'll celebrate our friendship
to remind ourselves of all the precious things we keep
within ourselves locked inside our hearts
our friends, our love ones, people we'll never leave out in the dark
but then again is that beside the point?
that only on valentine's day, our friendship we learn to enjoy
i'll send you a card a bouquet of roses
i'll send you my love with hugs and kisses
but it's not only 14th of february it's not only for a day
cuz friendship and love is more than one valentine's day

AD (9th february '98)

---

friday:

runningwithscissors
@orchardcineleisure
with.hongliandhuiling
feeling.alittlelost

the show is based on the personal memoirs of augusten burroughs. growing up in the 1970s, young augusten (joseph cross) was living a middle-class existence with an alcoholic father (alec baldwin) and a bipolar mother (annette bening), an unpublished poet with delusions of becoming famous. when his parents divorced, augusten’s mother sends him to live with her wildly unorthodox psychiatrist, dr. finch (brian cox) and his eccentric extended family. running with scissors chronicles augusten’s survival under the most extraordinary of circumstances.

the storyline and the humour are really deep and dark..certain themes of the show will also make one feel uneasy (not in a bad way). the acting was good though..you could really empathise with the characters and feel their frustration, confusion and anger. that's not to say that it is a depressing show. but after a hard week of work, it was not something i could really appreciate.

saturday:

misspotter
@orchardcineleisure
with.gracie
feeling.enchanted

beatrix potter has delighted generations of children with her books. but she kept her own private life locked carefully away. oscar-winning star renee zellweger is now bringing her secret story to the screen in "miss potter," the first film directed by chris noonan since his charming 1995 movie, babe. it is set in the high summer days of late victorian and edwardian england, during which beatrix develops her natural skills as artist and story-teller. when she finally publishes her debut book, the tale of peter rabbit, she becomes a writing celebrity. it also leads to courtship and her first love with publisher norman warne, played by ewan mcgregor. their relationship and his marriage proposal in july, 1905, was to change beatrix's life for ever.

it was a love which she could not announce - or even talk about. in high-society london, her parents had insisted she keep it from friends and neighbours. they considered her proposed wedding a mismatch. warne, they said, was from 'trade' and demanded that she carefully reconsider their life together. beatrix allowed herself to be persuaded to leave her fiancé and london. it was supposed to be a time for reflection and calm. but, instead, she faced tragedy and loneliness and returned, with a different outlook. she became a woman of strong views and independence. she also built up a farming dynasty in the lake district - a dynasty over which she took charge long after her writing career virtually ended in 1913. it established her as a woman ahead of her time. despite becoming the world's most successful children's writer and a wealthy landowner and prize-winning farmer, she never forgot her first love.

now this is more my type of show..feel-good and magical..really really nice..the only thing which made gracie and i a little upset was "why did ewan mcgregor have to die?" haha..but even then, it did not take the shine off this delightful story! :) truly enchanting..

o-t

after so many days of overtime, my first project is finally over! phew..not that it was especially hard..but it was really tedious work..in fact i am beginning to quite enjoy being busy at work..it's damn tiring but at least keeps my mind off a lot of things..

if i should complain about work in a few weeks or months time, link me back to this post yeah?

---

i wanted to write something for yingmei who's been feeling down but i don't think it makes much sense..

take a look around when you are feeling sad
see the friends who are still on your side
when you are down and things turn bad
that's still no reason for you to hide
sure one or two may drop out along the way
but your true friends will always be around
getting wet with you during those rainy days
trying their best to make you smile
so wipe that frown now off your face
it's not cool to be so blue
the jury has decided that you have no case
to keep sulking as you do
as you can see you don't have a choice
no really, you have absolutely none
so gather your friends, stir up some noise
throw out your troubles and have some fun!

addy (01 february 2007)

---

what's that word again?

l-o-v-e?

don't even think about it!

the day after the world froze

it's the second day of the new year and already it feels different..well, a little bit anyway..my blog seems to be suffering from a lack of words..which is weird because i have all these thoughts running through my head that needs to be expressed but somehow..they remain just that - thoughts running through my head..

1st january 2007
counted down to the new year with kenneth and chris sitting on the ledge of the former supreme court (sounds so romantic right?)..when the clock struck midnight,
the traffic stopped..
the world froze and..
the only thing alive was a sky bursting into colour..

fireworks to usher in the new year..it certainly has a nice ring to it doesn't it? i thought that the fireworks display during the national day celebrations last year was much better though but oh well..

---

here's the tie that jingxian gave me..typically addy colour la i say! niiiiiiiice!

---

"rediscover me"

shades of the past
finding myself lost in nothingness
chasing shadows
but the bubbles have already burst
no more no more
it is time to move on
no more no more
it is time to find a new song
sing my heart out
conquer my fears
listen to me shout
cry my last tears
let it all go
rediscover me
beyond my mistakes
and uncover me
lift me up
above this misery
just open your eyes
and rediscover me

addy (23 december 2006)

---

leaving for hongkong with my family tomorrow..my first holiday since urm..i was sixteen when i went to the uk! i know, that's just like two years ago but it does seem like a long time (somehow)! :P

-anticipating but not overly excited-

snippets

1. my dad's birthday at soup restaurant in changi airport terminal 2
- 12 november 2006


2. no "laughing" matter
- the definition of keke

- commonly used by men who pretend to be cute Japanese children on the internet

Player2: llolz pnwned keke
Player3: omg stop it :((((((

- a vagina, the women's reproductive organ

a girl has a keke and a boy has a peepee.

more definitions on urban dictionary, here!

3. my decision

after much contemplation, i've decided to take up the position with manpower singapore over the one offered by the fullerton. it was tough considering that the fullerton had stronger branding and will definitely make my resume look more impressive. but i made my decision based on the learning opportunities that will be available to me and manpower's potential. whatever it is, i'm determined to make this decision the right one! :)

4. jarvis




click here for a review on nme.




5. dim sum dollies

went for the dim sum dollies on friday evening with karen, maurice and christine. still not as good as the first two installments of the dim sum dollies. the appearance of the parking pontianaks was a real good laugh though! :)

---

shifting through boxes
looking through the past
relationships that didn't make it
friendships that did not last
familiar names
but so many lost along the way
letters, christmas cards
they once remembered my birthday
of those who remain
we're no longer that close
the innocence of yesteryears
is but a friendly ghost
words betray us
we were supposed to stick together
but we drifted apart
even in perfect weather
but that's just life
bits and pieces we're left with
and if we retaliate
we lose our belief
every envelope recreates
another street in memory lane
even if i could turn back time
i know, nothing would have changed

AD (14th july 2002)

even though we did not reach forever..thank you for once loving me with all your heart..i promise to you that we will move on..and whatever the future holds, only the future knows..just know this, where so many have failed, we have managed to stick together throughout all this time, as lovers and as friends..and i am always grateful and blessed for your companionship! :)

thank you..

silent all these years..

from hello friend to affectionate wifey
from a simple goodbye to "will you miss me?"
it all sounds too surreal for it to be true
he didn't believe it and neither should you!
from occasional to nightly talks
but it was difficult getting her out, even for a walk
he wasn't allowed to call her at home
unless of course she was standing by the telephone..

it seems just like yesterday..but it cannot be..
because this happened more than 5 years ago now!
of course, these days she doesn't need to stand by the telephone!
and in case you're wondering, we were still on pagers back then!
yes, that's how long it has been..
how quietly time has flown us by..

job street (dot) com

there's a little spring in my little step
a little dance and a tappity tap
a new destination to fly my flag
a new adventure plotted on the map
but i hold the celebrations, i dare not be too glad
until the day the ink dries and it becomes fact
- addy (10 november 2006)

to be continued..

---

the following is taken from an advertisement..

are you ready to fight at the frontiers of technology?
more like "are you ready to fight AGAINST the frontiers of technology!"

masters of technology
given 386 computers, you are expected to produce pentium results, of course you will grow to be a master of technology! it is all in "the plan" i tell you!

cutting edge talent
did i ever mention that the tools and equipment used are mostly at least 10 years old? sorry i exaggerate, some are at least 20 years old! as the saying goes, the older you are, the wiser..not so sure if it applies to "sharpness" though!

precise and self assured
precise in timing our breakfast, lunch and tea breaks and self assured enough not to get caught!

it's a career like nothing on earth
it sure is out of this world alright!

you completed me

hello everyone! my kor says that he wants to take a break from blogging so..guess who is the caretaker? -beamz- muahahaha..but i only got the job on one condition..that is that i publish this next poem of his..he said that it was meant for someone special but now that it has no more meaning, it just sounds cheesy..stale cheese he said..but it's quite sweet wat..you read it and see..

"you complete me"

you complete me
in every way
you amaze me
and colour my days
you make me smile
till my cheeks hurt
but it's all worth it
with you as a perk
you give me hope
and i feel alive
my tears freeze
and my fears subside
you're in every thought
and every word i say
it's true, you complete me
in every unimaginable way

addy (17th january 2006)

sweet rite? if i was his gf ar, i think i will swoon over the moon ar..but i'm his sister..and i still think it's sweet! definitely not like smelly stale cheese..

speaking of smelly, i still haven't suan zhang with him for not offering me any goodwood park durian mooncake ar! keep everything for himself and his jinxy..kaoz..what sort of brother rite? really zhong she qing mei mei ar! ok..i should stop suaning him since he is quite down also..kor, so hor do i complete you too? - addlyn

amazing haze

God forgive them..
those ignorant, thoughtless, penniless and brainless people..who turn your grace into haze..

..and it goes something like this..

amazing haze
you're so fucked up
a thousand burning trees

you spoil the air
that we all breathe
please go so that we can live

Amen

a muse..

addy says:

the bed is your best friend..most of us sleep with it at night..
roll on it..
drool on it..
bounce on it..
or even perform some NC-16 stuff on it (contains nude scenes)..
but you should never..
ever..
kick it..
cuz..
it has feelings too..
it will hurt..

you!

---

jess says that i am not good at talking cock..but i am supposedly (according to her) VERY good at talking cock..

but honestly now..am i?

absence

i keyed this into my handphone when i was outside..then did some editing when i got home..my intention is to make it sound abstract but now it just sounds like something is amissed or ironically absent..

absence
makes the heart fonder
or does it make the heart forget?
does it make one stronger
to let go of regret
that we didn't
it didn't used to matter
the heart yearns
to feel a presence
fond memories
nothing absent

addy (10 august 2006)

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